This guide was written for the single male that has a true interest in getting involved in the swinger lifestyle. There is plenty of room for polite, genuine, and honest single guys in the lifestyle. The sad fact is that many single guys think being in the swinger lifestyle will lead to endless sex and orgy after orgy. They quickly learn that is not the case and fade away thinking the swinger lifestyle is basically a scam.
Before we get started and dive in deep, you need to be aware that the swinger lifestyle is primarily about couples and partner swapping. Single males are welcome to pursue the lifestyle but in a very limited number. There is an overabundance of single males looking to get into the lifestyle for the right and wrong reasons.
Being a quality single male living the lifestyle can lead them to great friendships with open minded couples and the occasional rare single female swinger. If you enter the lifestyle for the right reasons, play by the rules, and are a gentleman, you will be welcomed into the lifestyle. If you break the rules or enter the lifestyle for the wrong reasons, you will quickly be exposed and ushered out the door, never to be invited back.
Take your time and read through this single male swinger survival guide a few times. If you have any questions about the lifestyle, post them in the comments section below, or visit our Instagram or Facebook page.
I may come across harsh at times throughout this guide for single male swingers. Sometimes that’s the only way I can make a point that is important. From observing single guys new to the lifestyle, and talking about experiences that other couples have had, it seems like someone must have written a how to fail as a single male swinger guide that many have purchased and are following.
Now, let’s get on with it and dive in deep about single males in the swinger lifestyle and how they can be welcomed with open arms.
Get Very Familiar With the Swinger Lifestyle First
The first thing a single male interested in joining the swinger lifestyle needs to do is to get very familiar with the lifestyle itself. This is actually extremely important to do before ever going to a swinger lifestyle event or attending a private swinger function.
First things first. There are a lot of swinger lifestyle porns out. If you have ever watched any of them, forget everything you saw. Porn videos labeled as swinger porn are, 99% of the time, nothing like the real swinger lifestyle. Entering the swinger lifestyle thinking it’s like the swinger porn videos will get you in nothing but trouble and basically shunned from the lifestyle community.
There are many real swinger sites where you can learn all about the swinger lifestyle. This magazine you are reading this article in for one. Also, many swingers have their own blogs where you can learn from their experiences in the lifestyle. So, take your time to learn as much as you can about the swinger lifestyle before going to a swinger party or event.
The swinger lifestyle consists of mainly couples that enjoy a variety of lifestyle practices. Some enjoy swapping partners for sex, threesomes, group sex, orgies, gangbangs, and different forms of greedy girl parties. If you are not sure what a greedy girl party is, it’s a party where the girls prefer to be outnumbered by men. Many of these sexual lifestyle practices are suitable for the single male swinger. But not all forms of swinging. So, some swinger events are only open to couples and not open to single men.
Pretend You Are Going on a Date
When going to a swinger lifestyle event or party, pretend you are going on a date with a very special lady. The single male swingers that are welcomed into the lifestyle are the gentlemen. The other single guys quickly discover that they are not welcomed by the swinger community at large.
Let’s start with personal hygiene. Make sure you are freshly bathed and well groomed. I will say that the majority of women prefer having sex with a man that is clean and well-groomed over a guy that smells and needs to be groomed. Also, don’t forget to manscape. Most women prefer a man that is well groomed down below. I personally have never met a girl that likes to go down on a man and have pubic hairs going up her nose. Also, make sure your teeth are clean and your breath is fresh.
The next thing that is important is to dress nicely. In fact, I would recommend dressing to impress. You will be competing with other single guys that are all trying to get the few ladies that want to play with single males’ attention.
Now I need to mention something very important. Even though you are pretending you are on a very special date, don’t go to a swingers party thinking you are going to sweep a girl off her feet and steal her away from her man. The vast majority of swinger couples are happily married and are in the swinger lifestyle to expand their relationship through new friends and recreational sex. Couples may be looking to make new friends, but they are not looking for new romantic encounters. Let me clarify this a little. If a couple is polyamorous, they could be open to adding an additional relationship to their current one. But these types of couples usually look elsewhere for new relationships.
Be Friendly and Approachable
When a single guy attends a swinger event or a swinger party, it’s extremely important that he is friendly and makes himself approachable. He needs to become someone that women and couples would want to approach and get to know him. Good social skills will go a long way.
When talking to couples, you will fare better if you take a genuine interest in them as a couple. Not just the female. Of course, there is nothing wrong with making her feel special and flirting with her a little more than you normally would with a female you met at a vanilla bar.
One thing I see all the time is the single men hang around the bar together and wait for the women to approach them. It can happen, but usually you will have to put yourself out there and actually mingle and socialize. Brush up on your social interaction skills.
Another thing I see frequently is a good-looking single guy thinks just because he is good-looking he will be approached by many of the women for sex. I can tell you now, looks are not as important as your personality and friendliness.
By all means, be friendly and approachable. But leave the pickup lines at home. Believe it or not, women in the swinger lifestyle have most likely heard so many pickup lines, they can see right through you.
Good social skills and a friendly disposition will get you a long way with being accepted in the swinger community as a single male.
Be Careful Not to Come Over as Creepy
The majority of couples you will see at swinger parties and events are not desperate to add a single male to their sexual play. Several couples may be looking for one but will quickly pass up a guy that is coming off as desperate or creepy.
Swinger couples put up with a lot of single guys that just don’t get the lifestyle. One thing you see a lot is a single guy or group of single guys following a woman around the club or event basically watching her and trying to get her attention. This comes off extremely creepy and all you will accomplish is making the girl or couple not interested in even saying hi to you. Or worse yet, they complain to the staff about your behavior, and you’re asked to leave.
You will usually see plenty of guys coming off as creepy at swinger parties that allow single males to attend. They are usually new and don’t last long in the lifestyle. You can usually hear them talking about how stuck up the couples are because they don’t want to have sex with them. Don’t be one of these creepy guys if you want to enjoy the true swinger lifestyle experience. Plus, by not coming across as creepy, you will find a lot more couples that want to socialize with you and possibly include you in a threesome or other sexual encounter the woman is looking for that night.
Being pushy with a female about having sex is another way to come off as creepy. This behavior will get you nowhere fast. It can also get you thrown out of a club and never allowed back. Pushiness does come over as desperation. Swinger couples in general don’t like to invite someone for sex that is desperate.
Not All Swinger Couples Play With Single Guys
Now here is a big surprise! Not all swinger couples play with single guys. In fact, the majority of couples don’t. And not all swinger couples that play with single guys want to play with them all the time. Many times, they are out to play with other couples and just play with single guys from time to time.
Don’t get upset if you socialize with quite a few couples at a party and don’t get invited to join them. You could make friends with a couple that plays with single guys, but they are looking for a different sexual encounter that night. Being friendly and genuine will get you remembered. The next time you see them, they may be looking for that extra guy to help please the woman. And you may just be that one.
Being Polite and Respectful to Both the Woman and Man Goes a Long Way
If you see a couple that you may be interested in playing with, when you approach them, make sure you are polite and respectful to both the woman and man. This alone, can take you a long way in the swinger lifestyle. When you introduce yourself, make sure you introduce yourself to both the woman and the man. It’s usually best to introduce yourself to the man first, and then the woman.
One way to approach a couple would be to ask the man if it would be OK to ask the woman to dance. Did you notice I said to ask the man’s permission to ask her? This shows respect for the man and can be very beneficial to you in the long run. If he likes you and the woman shows an interest in you sexually, you have a much better shot at joining them for a sexual encounter.
Even if they aren’t looking to play with a single guy, swingers to talk to each other. They talk about the good guys and the bad ones. They could mention you to another couple that ends up hunting you down to get to know you.
It’s usually best not to approach a woman if her husband or boyfriend is not present. It’s fine to say hi or even a little small talk. Just don’t ask her if she wants to play unless she is already hinting at it strongly. Use common sense. Wait until they are together to introduce yourself. Now, if the woman is alone and approaches you, that’s a different story and it’s fine to flirt a little. Hopefully, if she likes you, she will then introduce you to her husband or boyfriend.
Check the Ego at the Door
When going to a swingers event or party as a single male, make sure you check your ego at the door. You will see some single guys acting like they are God’s gift to women from time to time. The swinger women have seen this over and over and can see right through them.
A single male with a big ego does not last long in the swinger lifestyle. The women talk about the guys with each other all the time. One that has a huge ego is known by most of the women very quickly and avoided.
You will hear some guys claiming that they are single male swingers and can fuck any woman they want at a party. This is pure ego and far from reality. If you hear one talking like this, just ignore them and whatever you do, don’t take any of their advice. Unless, of course, you want to go home without having any playtime with a couple at all that night.
What you need to understand and accept is that single males are there for the women that want a third and you are basically, let’s face it, a piece of meat to them. You are not anything special to them. If you by chance do become friends, then maybe a little more. Like a friend with benefits.
Now read this next thing I am going to mention at least 10 times and let it soak in. Do not ever just walk up to a woman and just ask them if they want to have sex with you. Or start off an introduction with a question like, want to fuck? Want to fuck me? Can I fuck you? Etc.
If you are a gentleman and polite, after they get to know you a little, they will make it clear if they want you to join her and her husband in a sexual encounter.
Now, coming over and presenting yourself as a confident person is fine. In fact, people tend to like a confident person more. Just don’t let your confidence cross over to an inflated ego, or worse, narcissism.
Aggression Comes Over as Desperation
Many new single male swingers, if they can’t find a couple to hook up with fairly quickly tend to get aggressive with their approach. Swinger couples see this happen all the time. The guy that’s getting sexually aggressive is seen as pathetic and desperate. I don’t know of any female that wants to have sex with a pathetic aggressive male.
Getting sexually aggressive is the fastest way to get thrown out of a club or party and never allowed back in. The women will complain to the staff about a very aggressive single male very quickly. If the club does not throw out very aggressive males, the couples quit going to the club and they end up being all male sausage fest parties. That’s not what the club owners want. Remember, swinging is primarily about couples.
What many new single males don’t get or want to get is that no means no. It’s not an invitation to turn on the aggression.
Let the women be the aggressive and playful ones. Let them flirt with you in sexual ways. Once they start getting a little aggressive and have given you plenty of signals that they like you and are interested in you joining them, then it’s OK to turn on your aggression a little. It’s about having fun with it and knowing when to tone it down or ramp it up.
Realize It’s Pretty Much About the Woman
Once you realize that swinger parties are pretty much all about pleasing the women and it’s not about you, the more fun you will have as a single male at swinger parties and clubs. The women pretty much choose who they are going to have sex with.
One thing many single males miss when they first enter the swinger lifestyle is that a woman may select a single male to play with, but the husband has veto rights. They are a couple. Remember that. So, be friendly and nice to both of them.
Another thing to know is that a woman may be in the mood to just have sex with another couple and is not interested in a single man at all that night.
She could be interested and in the mood for a threesome with another guy. She could also be in the mood for group sex, and orgy, a greedy girl party experience, or even a gangbang. She could even be in the mood to be a hotwife that night. Don’t just assume what she is in the mood for. As you get to know a couple, she will start letting out hints about what she is in the mood for that night. If you get lucky, she will be in a mood that can include you.
Understand That You Are a Guest
When you get approved to come to a swinger club or party, realize that you are a guest and can be quickly uninvited faster than you were invited. Swinger clubs can survive without letting any single males in. In fact, some clubs never allow single males. It’s a very special privilege to be invited to a swingers party as a single male. Don’t let them ever regret inviting you. Make them want to invite you back.
The same couples go to the same swingers clubs and parties over and over. They all pretty much get to know each other well. If you offend or piss off one couple, you are known by most of the other couples as a jerk very quickly. You want the couples to talk about how nice and friendly you are instead. This way other couples that are looking for single men may want to get to know you also.
Most clubs limit the number of single guys that are invited to a party. They also usually limit single males to attend on specific nights. Many couples will only go to parties that single males are not allowed to attend.
Single males usually have to pay a much higher membership fee and nightly admittance fee than couples or single women. This is a normal practice to keep the club from being slammed with single guys wanting to get in.
Now one problem arises from single males having to pay more to get in. Some, think they should have more access to the women since they paid a higher fee. They also feel that they should not be limited to where they can go in the club. This causes a huge problem, and these guys are quickly escorted out of the club and not ever invited back. Don’t be one of these guys that thinks they are privileged just because they paid more to get in.
Bottom line, is appreciate being invited, have fun, and make new friends. This way you have a better chance of attracting a couple that will want you to join them for a sexual encounter.
Learn the Club or Party Rules and Follow Them
Just about any swingers club that is worth going to will have rules that all guests must follow. If you find one that does not have any rules, I would basically run from it. It will most likely not be a safe place to go. Or at a minimum, very shady.
Take the time to read all of the swinger club’s rules. If you find a rule that you don’t fully understand, ask the club to explain it to you so you do understand it. Make sure that you understand where and when you are allowed to enter certain areas as a single male.
Most clubs have a rule that single males can only enter play areas if escorted by a female. They also usually require the single male to stay with the female escort and leave the play area when she leaves.
Other clubs may have particular play areas for single males, and not allow single males in the main play area. Check with the club and make sure you fully understand where you are allowed to go and when.
You will also find that most swinger clubs only allow single men to enter the club on specific days. Almost all clubs have couples only days for the couples that don’t want single men to be around. Remember, swinging is mostly a couple’s thing.
If you break a swingers club rule, expect to be called out on it. If you continue to break any rules, expect to be escorted off the premises and be banned from the club. Just make sure you understand the club rules and follow them, so this does not happen to you.
Being a Swinger Is Not a Guarantee of Sex
If you think you are going to have sex just because you are going to a swingers club or swingers party, you are 100% wrong. Most single men that attend a swinger event do not get invited to play with a couple and have sex. It’s the cream of the crop polite and genuine single males that make the connections with couples that leads to sex.
You may even dance with several women at the club or party. But don’t think just because she danced with you that she wants to have sex with you. So, don’t get aggressive with her on the dance floor. You can flirt with her all you want. But keep the aggression at bay.
If she starts giving you clear signals or getting sexually aggressive with you, then by all means get a little aggressive back. But I would highly recommend keeping your sexual aggression a little lower than hers.
The bottom line about sex is, you are there for the woman’s pleasure. It’s not the other way around. If a woman you are getting to know, decides she wants you to join her and her husband for sex, she will let you know. Always follow the females lead.
Never Ignore the Man
So, you see a woman you want to have sex with, the worst thing you could do is to ignore her husband or boyfriend. That would pretty much guarantee that you are not going to get to have sex with her. Of course, pay special attention to the female, but include the man in the conversation you are having with her. If you pretend that her husband or boyfriend does not exist, guess what? You are going to quickly not exist to either of them.
So many single men don’t seem to understand that they are dealing with couples and not just a single woman. Couples in the swinger lifestyle are usually very close and very happily married. They use swinging to add spice to their lives. Note the word “their.” The ones that want to play with single males are letting them into THEIR lives. Not just hers. Make sure you fully understand that and respect it.
If You Are Homophobic, You May Have a Problem as a Single Male Swinger
I’m just going to be blunt and just say it. If you are at all homophobic, the swinger lifestyle will most likely not be for you as a single man. Let me explain why this is true.
When having a threesome or being involved with group sex, the women tend to like sexual attention from multiple males at the same time. So, you will almost always be having sex with a woman while another man is having some form of sex with her in very close proximity to you. The two of you will bump bodies with each other from time to time. If you have a problem with that, you are not cut out to be a single male swinger. Because it’s going to happen.
I know some guys that can’t even be in the same room with another guy that is nude. When playing with swingers, you will see a lot of nude guys. You will most likely even see many watching you have sex with a couple.
Now, let’s take this up a notch. What if the woman wants to DP? Now, you and another guy are each penetrating her anally and vaginally at the same time. You will make contact with each other’s sexual organs whether you want to or not. Also, when one man cums, there will be a chance that some of his cum will get on you. Can you handle that? If not, then you may have a serious problem.
The only option you would have would be if you met the rare hotwife at the party and she took a liking to you. A hotwife plays alone with other men with her husband’s approval.
Don’t Be a Poser (Cheater)
Never ever insult swinger couples by pretending to be someone you are not. They will see right through you. Believe me they have heard it all and know how to spot a poser quickly. Let me give you some examples of what swingers hear all the time.
My wife is not into swinging. But it’s OK with her that I play alone.
My wife wanted me to check this place out first, before we come together.
My wife is out of town and we both have a free pass to play alone.
If these statements don’t come directly from the female half, 99.9% of the time they are flat out lies.
If you are out cheating on your wife, at least have the decency to be honest about it, and say, I’m here cheating on my wife.
Don’t Come Over as the Horny Desperate Towel Shark
If you want to be entertained and annoyed at the same time, observe what swingers call towel sharks. These are horny desperate guys looking to get laid by any woman that will have them. Here is how to recognize them.
They hang out just wearing a towel by the entrance to the playrooms or near the door to the woman’s restroom. They stand there like horny peacocks attempting to get the women to notice them. You can also find them strutting through the club or party wearing just a towel, introducing themselves to every woman they see. They actually get very annoying after a while.
Another version of the towel shark is the guy that walks around letting all the women know he has a 12-inch penis. Believe me, if you do in fact have a 12-inch penis, most of the girls in the place already know. Remember, the girls do talk to each other.
One major problem with towel sharks is that they can get more and more aggressive with the women as the night progresses. Once they hit that point, the women start complaining about them to the staff or party hosts, and the overly aggressive guy is made to leave the party or club. Many times, they will make a scene at this point and lose all hope of ever being invited back.
Now, if you are wearing a towel and standing around nude women or a couple wearing towels, that’s not being a towel shark. This type of behavior is normal and expected. So, don’t be the towel shark guy. You will have a lot better chance with the women.
How to Contact a Swinger Couple Online
This guide has been mostly about attending swinger clubs and swinger parties. But I decided that I really should touch on the single male swinger and how they can meet couples online. Chatting with a few couples online that are going to attend a club or party, makes it a lot easier to get to know them when you finally meet in person. The ice is already broken, and your chances of a sexual encounter increased greatly.
When contacting a couple that you are possibly interested in, make sure you read their profile completely. In your message to them, mention something in their profile that stood out to you. You want the couple to realize that you are truly interested in them. Tell them something about yourself that they may be interested in. Do you share a same interest with them? Do you hang out at the same places? The more you can personally connect with the couple, the better chance of meeting them in person.
Now, let me give you some examples of what not to do. Swingers see this behavior and these tactics used all the time by desperate single guys. If you want to lower your chances of actually making a connection with a couple, then by all means do these anyway. You will quickly discover that for some strange reason, couples are blocking you and not even bothering to respond to your messages.
Never send out a blanket message in masse to couples. You can easily recognize these messages as they say nothing about the couple they are being sent to. Except, things like she is gorgeous, I would love to meet you. Etc.
Don’t use very short messages. These are seen as a single guy trying to throw stuff up against the wall and see what sticks. I’m talking first messages like, hi, my pictures are open, check them out, interested in a guy with a 10 inch cock?, let’s meet. Etc.
Another practice many single males use is the bait and switch. They ask a simple nonsexual question about something in your profile. Well, at least they scanned your profile. Then when the couple replies with the answer, the single guy sends back a message like, let’s meet, want to meet, etc.
Now, let’s mention profile pictures. Make sure your pictures show you in a good light. Fully clothed body shots with a few head shots go a long way. Another good pic to add would be you doing something nonsexual that you enjoy. Hiking, kayaking, boating, etc. The woman wants to know what you look like if she ran into you on the street. If that interests her, she will ask to see more revealing shots of you. You can then unlock your private galleries for her to check out.
Talk to the women in the swinging lifestyle and ask them what they think of guys that the first contact message includes a dick pic and a message like, want to ride my huge cock? Or a dick pic with a message that says, interested? The vast majority are either going to laugh, get disgusted, or click on the block button. Guys like these send out tons of these type of messages in hopes of finding that one that is actually interested.
You will also see guys that send out messages to people and have never even looked at the profiles. It’s extremely easy to tell if someone that sent you a message has looked at your profile or not on most online swinger sites.
Don’t be afraid to contact couples as a single guy. Just make sure you are contacting the ones that want to be contacted by single guys and be friendly and show a real interest in them. You can tell if a couple wants to be contacted by single guys by reading their profile. Most sites let members select icons that represent their interests. Also, many couples that have no interest in single guys state so in their profile.
Additional Helpful Articles for the Single Male Swinger
If you enjoyed this article and found it helpful, you may find the following article helpful in your single male swinger adventure.
To Be Continued…
This survival guide for the single male swinger is a work in progress. Additional information will be added to it over time. Bookmark this article and check back from time to time to see what new information has been added.
Now, to the sincere single guys that are interested in the swinger lifestyle. I wish you the best of luck at meeting and making new exciting swinger friends.