The swinging lifestyle can be an amazing experience. But, for a shy swinger, it can be extremely intimidating. Rest assured, if you are shy and feel awkward meeting new people, you are not alone. More people that venture into swinging start out extremely shy and actually a little scared. Once you do start making swinger friends, you will quickly discover that swingers in general are a great group of people that actually welcome new swingers.
I’ve put together some tips for shy swingers that are in or entering the swinger lifestyle. I hope they help you to meet new swinger friends.
Start Your Swinger Lifestyle Journey Online
Online swinger community websites can be the ideal place for shy swingers to start exploring the swinger lifestyle and meeting other swingers. Online swinger communities allow shy swingers to make initial contact and chat with other swingers without the need to be face to face. This makes it a lot easier to get to know other swingers with a lot less pressure.
When you join an online swinger website, browse and read through several profiles of other swingers to get the idea of what information they are including in their swinger profiles. Then, take the time to create a good informative swinger profile for you and your partner. You will also want to make sure you include several pictures that show you and your partner dressed up and having fun.
Once your profile is complete, start searching for other members that appear to be swingers you would be interested in. Read their profile and find common interests. Now, send them a private message and let them know you have the same interests and would like to get to know them a little better.
You can spend time getting to know other swingers online before you arrange to meet them in person. This way, the ice is already broken and the first time you meet in person will be a lot less stressful.
If you created a good profile and included good pictures, you will find other swingers will reach out to you through private messages. Let me give you one warning though. You will most likely get a ton of private messages from single males that are extremely short and basically don’t give you any reason you should respond back.
There are a lot of serious and polite single males in the lifestyle. But there are even more desperate ones that will use a shotgun approach to attempt to get couples and single women to meet them right away. They usually go after the new members first. So, just be aware of this issue, and if you are interested in single males, you’ll quickly be able to spot the ones that are best ignored, and the good ones pretty fast.
If you have no interest in having single males contact you, or their just seems to be way too many very short meaningless messages coming from single guys, most sites do have a block single males feature. Don’t be afraid to use it.
Take Advantage of Swinger Club Newbie Nights
When you start researching a swingers club, find out if they have a newbie night. These newbie night parties are aimed at first-time swingers and first time club attendees. Many clubs give club tours and orientations to first time swingers. These tours and orientations can really help the shy swinger relax.
Another benefit of attending newbie nights is that you will also be meeting other new swingers. Also, many seasoned swingers go out of their way to help new first-time swingers get to know other swingers.
If the club offers a newbie orientation, many will get all the new first-time swingers together in a quiet area of the club to go over club rules, talk about the lifestyle, and answer questions. Many will also get each new swinger to introduce themselves to the other new swingers. This way when you head back to the party, you already know several other new swingers by name. This alone can go a long way toward helping shy swingers feel comfortable and less stressed.
So, look for swingers clubs that have newbie nights, and make those the first clubs you visit.
Make Good Use of Swinger Forums
A great way for shy swingers to start to get comfortable chatting with other swingers is to make use of swinger forums. If the forum has an introduce yourself section, make sure you use it and leave a basic introduction.
Read through the forums and if you see a question you can answer, or you see another swinger that posted that they are shy, don’t hesitate to respond with an answer or to let them know they are not alone with being shy. Many times, shy swingers have an easier time meeting other shy swingers. Just chatting and getting to know other shy swingers can go a long way with helping you to slowly get rid of your shyness.
Another great use for swinger forums by shy swingers is to ask about different swinger clubs you are interested in. Find out other’s experiences with the clubs and who goes to them. Note anyone that says they go to a particular club. If you decide to attend it, drop a quick message to the ones that go to that club that you have chatted with online. Let them know you are going and would like to meet them.
Online forums tend to attract what is called a troll. They get off pissing off and upsetting others. They make personal attacks on others and are basically online narcissists. If one comes along and attacks one of your posts, don’t even give them the benefit of a response. That’s what they want. When you ignore them, you deprive them of their twisted fun. Most swinger forums will weed these trolls out when they spot them. Just don’t feed their egos and if the forum has a blocking feature, block them.
Forums contain tons of wonderful people that love to help and get to know other forum members. But sadly, all forums seem to have a handful of pitiful people that can only enjoy life by trying to make someone else’s miserable. Ignore them and never give them the satisfaction of a reply.
Take Swinger Club and Swinger Party Tours
If a swinger club offers a club tour, or a swinger party offers a tour, make sure you take it. These tours should be required for new swingers. They are well worth your time and will help you to relax a little.
While on the tour, ask the tour guide if he or she could introduce you to other swingers that are at the club. Most will be happy to give you a quick introduction to swingers they know as they give you a tour of the club.
If it’s a private swingers party, the party host will almost always be happy to introduce you to all the other party attendees.
If the club does not offer you a tour when you first attend, ask if someone can give you a tour of the club. I’ve never heard of a club that will not.
Join in on Swinger Party Ice Breaker Games
Not all swinger clubs or swinger parties offer ice breaker games. I’m not really sure why they don’t. They are a great way for everyone to get to know each other a little and get a party going.
If a club or party does have swinger ice breaker games, make sure you join in. These games can quickly help you to get over your shyness and meet lots of other swingers.
If you can’t find a club or party that offers ice breaker games, make use of online swinger forums and ask if anyone knows of a club or party that has them. Now let me warn you. You will get an occasional response from forum trolls that will say that the ice breaker games are stupid, and no real swinger will play them. Just ignore them, all they are looking for is attention. Swinger ice breaker games are a great way for shy swingers to meet other swingers.
Make Sure You Are Approachable at Swinger Clubs and Parties
Of course, it’s best to walk around and mingle. But it’s also nice to sit and enjoy watching the crowd. When you do sit down, make sure you sit places that make it easy for others to approach you to say hi. If possible, sit at a table for four or on a couch with a little room beside each of you. This way you can offer anyone that approaches you a place to sit and chat. Sitting at the bar is another good area to sit if you don’t mind people leaning through or against you when they try to get a drink from time to time.
When mingling or sitting, make sure your body language is open and welcoming. You can do this by making eye contact and smiling at people as they walk by or towards you. Stand up straight and don’t hunch over. Guys, keep your hands out of your pockets. That signals you are shy and nervous. Most people just automatically ignore people sending out shy signals. So, keep your body language open and inviting.
Have a Drink to Relax, but Not Too Many!
Nothing wrong with having a drink to relax a little. Just don’t drink too much. Having a drink or two to calm the nerves, can help shy people to lower their inhibitions a little and become brave enough to actually approach others.
But the key here is drinking a little. Drinking too much can kill your sexual performance in bed. That’s not a good thing for swingers. Guys, also keep in mind, that too much alcohol almost always prevents you from getting an erection. You sure don’t want that to happen.
Bottom line, have a drink or two, and pace yourself.
Use the Bar to Your Advantage
Keep an eye on the bar. If you see someone you would like to say hi too, walk up and stand beside them if there is room and order your drink. If there is no room, stand behind them like you are in a line.
When they have gotten their drink, and go to leave, say something simple to them. For example, that looks good, what drink is it? That dress looks sexy on you, enjoy your drink. Or just give them a simple compliment. I hope you get the idea here. What you are doing is a non-aggressive ice breaker.
Later, when you see them again, you could ask them how their drink was, or tell them they are still looking sexy in that dress. What you are hoping for is that they will ask you a question or say something that could lead to a conversation. It’s also good practice to move a shy swinger a little closer to striking up conversations with other swingers.
Use that bar to your advantage. Just be careful to not drink too much. You can always order a soda or even a water.
Not Sure What to Talk About With Other Swingers?
If you’re not sure what to talk about when first meeting other swingers, don’t worry, many swingers have the same problem even though they are not shy. There are many topics you can start a conversation on. Here are some example topics.
Ask them how long they have been swinging. Or how did they get into swinging. How did the two of them meet? Any tips for shy swingers. You can also talk about what got you into the lifestyle.
Travel is another excellent topic. Many swingers love to travel. Ask them about their last vacation, or future travel plans.
Clothing can be a great ice breaker conversation. Ask them where they got a specific sexy piece of clothing or accessory.
If they look fit, ask them about their exercise routine. Also, anything recreational can make a good topic. Favorite TV shows? Movies?
Mix it up a bit. Don’t just talk about one topic. If everyone seems to be hitting it off, you could move the conversation to sex. Flirting works well for moving to a sexual topic to get the heat up.
Here Is What Not to Talk About When Meeting Swingers for the First Time
It’s actually a lot more important to stay away from particular conversation topics. If the topic is controversial, stay away from it. You want to keep the mood light and sexual. Not get in arguments and fights. So, stay away from politics, religion, and any other topic that could cause disagreements.
Other topics you should stay away from usually, are kids, or very specific personal questions. For example, it’s fine to talk about what they do for a living, just don’t ask where they work. Swingers value their privacy. If they want you to know something private, they will tell you. Just don’t ask questions that could require private information like what street they live on. Unless you are being invited to their home.
Use the Woman Walking Around and Exploring Alone Trick
The woman walking around and exploring alone is a great little trick that shy swingers can use to meet other swingers. If she is extremely shy, she can start off with simply going up to the bar to get her own drink. Yes, it is nice for the guy to go and get their drinks, but the benefits of her going to the bar alone can be great.
All she has to do is smile at anyone that looks her way and respond to any comments made to her while walking to the bar or at the bar.
If she feels comfortable enough, she can walk around the club alone just smiling and flirting a little with other swingers. Maybe stand by the dance floor and watch for a bit. The larger the crowd, the better this trick works.
If you see a couple or single swinger the two of you are interested in, she can walk by them and simply smile when she makes eye contact with them. Then after a couple of minutes pass, go back over to them and stand near them in a place they can see you. Then, just smile each time one of them looks your way. If all goes well, they may make a comment to you or even ask you a question.
If a conversation does start up, ask them if they would like to join the two of you for a bit. If they say yes, lead them back to the place your husband or boyfriend is sitting or standing.
Get Naked and Go Explore the Sex Playrooms
This one usually works best a little later in the night. If you are shy, put on towels and do this one. It can lead to meeting other swingers, or at least lead to the two of you being a little more comfortable in a swingers club.
Hit the locker room, get naked, and grab a towel. Start off wearing a towel and just walk around the playrooms and explore. Make sure you do smile at other swingers that make eye contact with you.
Once you are a little more comfortable being in the playrooms, take a deep breath and remove your towels and walk around. You’ll draw a little more attention and get a lot more eye contact. Again, just smile and if someone says something to you, stop and chat a bit.
If you get extremely nervous, just find a place to sit for a bit and then continue your journey to meet other swingers.
Don’t Be Afraid to Go in the Orgy Room
I know you are shy, or you would not be reading this article. But the orgy room is not something to be scared of. It’s just a lot of people having sex, and a lot of people watching others have sex.
Go in the orgy room and find a place to sit. Then just watch. This will help you to get used to being naked around other swingers. Also, if you smile at others that make eye contact with you, you have a better chance of being approached instead of having to do the approaching.
Once you are a little comfortable, play with each other a little while in the orgy room. Yes, you will get people watching you. But some may ask if they can join the two of you. Stepping outside your comfort zone can lead to swinging opportunities.
Have Sex in the Voyeur Room or in Front of Others
This idea for shy swingers is more for getting comfortable in a swingers club. Head to the voyeur room and have sex. That’s it. Knowing you are being watched can go a long way with helping you to get comfortable in a swingers club. It may even turn you on.
Have Sex in a Private Room but Leave the Door Open
Having sex in a private sex room with the door open is an advanced technique that shy swingers can use to meet other swingers. An open door usually means that you are open to others joining you. Check with the club you are visiting to see what their private playroom door policies are. Usually, a closed door is leave us alone and don’t come in. A cracked door usually means others can watch you having sex. An open door usually means you are open to having others join you, but they must ask first.
Like I said, this is an advanced technique that could help shy swingers meet other swingers. If both of you are game, give it a try.
Set a Goal to Meet One Swinger Couple
After you get to know a few swingers, you will quickly discover your swinger friends circle starts to grow quickly. You start meeting their friends, and their friend’s friends. Before you know it, you will have more swinger friends than vanilla friends.
The trick is to get to know those first few swinger couples. A shy swinger should make it a goal to at least meet one new swinger couple. Once you make friends with one couple, you will most likely find it easier to meet others. So, set that goal, and go out and meet one swinger couple this month.
