If you are new to swinging or thinking about trying out the swinger lifestyle, here are 34 hot tips for new and first-time swingers about the swinger lifestyle. These tips should help you to have a successful and enjoyable lifestyle experience from the start.
These swinger lifestyle tips should also answer many first-time swingers questions about the swinger lifestyle. Swinging can be a fun and exciting experience, but it also can be a little intimidating and scary. These tips should help you to make it a lot more fun and a lot less scary. Now on to the tips.
Talk to Each Other About Swinging
Before you and your partner go to a swinger event or to meet another swinger couple, make sure the two of you have talked through the idea of swinging completely. You need to make sure you are both on the same page and fully agree with the idea of trying out swinging.
Don’t just half-ass discuss it. Really talk about it with each other. You don’t want any surprises down the road and find out one of you did not fully understand the other’s wishes and desires.
If one of you is hesitant about swinging, this needs to be cleared up and talked through before you actually go to a swingers event or go to meet another swinger couple.
Educate Yourself About Swinging
Spend some time researching and reading up about the swinger lifestyle. Look into clubs, parties and other swinger events. Research what to expect at a swingers event. Learn as much as you can about swinging and all the different types of swinging the swinger lifestyle has to offer.
Read up about other couples that are new to the lifestyle and what they expected and experienced. This can help the two of you to decide if the swinger lifestyle is for you or not.
What Are Your Reasons for Swinging?
Before the two of you actually go swinging, it’s extremely important to know both of your reasons why you want to participate in the swinger lifestyle. You need to sit down and discuss exactly why each of you want to swing. Also, make sure you understand the reasons your partner wants to swing. Be very clear about your reasons.
Make sure each reason you want to swing is a good reason and not a bad reason to become a swinger. Here are some typical good reasons to try swinging.
Expand a good relationship by adding recreational sex. Allow for further sexual enjoyment by your partner. Increase the enjoyment of sex and add to sexual pleasure. Being able to experiment with different sexual kinks that are not possible with just one-on-one sex. Wanting to watch your partner having sex with others.
The list of good reasons to swing could go on and on. Let’s now look at some bad reasons to swing.
Your partner is not interested in your sexual enjoyment. Your relationship is failing and on rocky ground, so you think swinging would fix it. It won’t, it will just make it worse. One of you is always extremely jealous and you think that will stop when the two of you swing. It will only get worse.
If you want to swing for the wrong reasons, you will basically end up in a nightmare situation. Or ruin your existing relationship.
Decide if You Want to Soft Swing or Full Swing
Before you swing, you both need to decide and agree on what type of swinging you want to do. There are two basic types of swinging. Here they are.
Soft Swing – Soft swinging is basically having oral sex and heavy petting with others. Soft swing usually refers to sex with others that does not include penile vaginal penetration.
Full Swing – Full swing is basically partner swapping for sex. You swap partners and have penetrative sex. This can be done in the same bed or room, or in different rooms.
Talk with each other and decide if the two of you want to participate in full swing or just soft swing.
What Are Your Swinging Expectations?
Sit down and discuss with each other what your individual expectations are from swinging. Go into as much detail as you can. Make sure you and your partners expectations can mesh well with each other’s. You don’t want to go into swinging and both of you totally expecting completely different things.
Set Basic Ground Rules About Swinging
It’s very important to set your ground rules before swinging. It’s even more important that you both have agreed to the rules and understand them. This is not an area you want to not have perfectly clear.
Discuss exactly what rules, if any, you want to set long before you have your first swinger sexual experience. Here are some situations to consider when setting your ground rules.
Is kissing someone else allowed? Is playing with someone sexually without your partner there allowed? Are you going to allow penile vaginal penetration? Will both of you have to agree on a person or persons before playing with them? Will you only play with couples? Or will you play with single females and males?
Really dig deep and only set rules that absolutely must be set.
Don’t Go Overboard With the Swinging Rules
Of course, it’s important to set and agree to ground rules about swinging. But it’s just as important to not go overboard with the rules either. Once you have decided on your basic rules, sit down and really decide on the minimum set of rules you both can agree to.
Setting too many rules will take away all the excitement and fun that the swinger lifestyle has to offer. It also can cause problems if a rule is accidentally broken because it was forgotten.
Setting too many rules can also reduce the number of potential swingers that you could have sexual encounters with. Many swingers will not play with swingers that have rules that will distract from their enjoyment of the lifestyle.
Don’t Be Afraid to Change Your Rules About Swinging
After you have had a few swinger sexual experiences, don’t be afraid to revisit your ground rules to see if any need to be modified, changed, or dropped. People’s thoughts do change over time and you should not let your original rules get in the way.
From time to time, sit down with your partner and decide if a rule needs to be changed, dropped, or left the same. You will find that the longer you are swingers, the less rules you will really need and the more fun you will have.
Many new swingers will set a long list of rules and end up not enjoying the swinger lifestyle at all. Or, at least one partner feeling like they really want more out of swinging. Rules can hamper your swinger experience if they are too strict. Revisit them often.
Curb Any Jealousy About Swinging Before It Starts
If you or your partner gets jealous easily, you will need to work through your jealousy issues before you venture into the swinger lifestyle. This is extremely important since jealousy can destroy a relationship.
Read as much as you can about jealousy and what the root causes are for it. Seek couples counseling if the jealousy is so extreme that the two of you can’t work through it alone. If jealousy seems to be a problem even after you have done your best to work through it, swinging may not be the best thing for the two of you to explore.
Decide if You Want to Swing With Couples, Single Males, or Single Women
The swinger lifestyle will present many opportunities for recreational sex with other couples, single males, and the occasional single female. You need to decide if the two of you want to have recreational sex with couples only, single males only, single females only, or a combination of couples and singles.
Couples are the ones most swingers prefer to play with. Couples afford partner swapping for sex and group sex. Single males are easy to find and if you are wanting to try MFM threesomes, you usually won’t have a problem finding a single male to play with. In fact, you will have your choice of a lot of them.
Single females are a different story. They are very few of them in the swinging lifestyle. Some new swingers have a tendency to only want to play with single females and have extreme problems finding them. A single female in the lifestyle is known as a unicorn for a reason.
If you are only going to play with single females, it may be a lot easier to find one through your female partner’s friends instead of a swingers club.
Decide if You Want to Have Same Room Sex or Different Room Sex
Some swingers prefer to swap partners and have sex in the same room. Others prefer to swap partners and go to separate rooms for sex. You need to decide what the two of you prefer. Same room, or separate room?
Read up about the benefits of both and then sit down and discuss this topic with your partner. Many new swingers start off with just having sex in the same room. But, keep in mind, some swingers you talk to, will only have recreational sex in different rooms.
Understand Some Basic Swinger Lingo
Before you go to a swingers club or decide to meet a swinger couple, you really need to know some of the basic swinger lingo you may run across. If you don’t understand a term used, don’t be afraid to ask what it means. You don’t want to accidentally agree to something you don’t want to do.
Read a few articles on swinger lingo to learn the definitions. You will be glad you did.
Meet Other Swingers Online
A good place to start as new swingers is to meet other swingers on swinger membership sites. Most have chat rooms and some type of forum that you can get to know others through.
They also have member profiles that you can explore and find other members that you may want to meet in person. If you join a swingers membership site, take the time to fill out your profile as completely as you can. Don’t be afraid to mention that you are new to swinging. In fact, that’s a good way to get seasoned members to help you fit in.
Join Multiple Online Swinger Sites
If you want to have a better chance of finding and meeting a swinger or swinger couple that fits well with the two of you, join multiple online swinger sites. This will open up a lot more swingers that you can get to know and possibly meet.
You’ll find that the major swinger membership sites cater better to specific locations. You will eventually find that one site works better for you in the area you live. But, if you travel, I would recommend to still maintain a membership with the other swinger membership sites. When you travel to an area, look at each membership site you belong to and see what one has the most members in that particular area.
Chat on the Phone With Swingers Before Meeting in Person
Simply chatting on the phone with a couple or single swinger before you meet in person can give you a pretty good idea about what they are like. It also helps you weed out the jerks and posers.
What many couples do is have the women chat on the phone before setting up a time and place to meet. If they get along great on the phone, they will most likely get along in person. If they don’t, it’s better to know before you actually spend the time to meet them in person.
Meet Swingers in a Public Place for the First Time
It’s always best to meet anyone new in a public place first. Setup a first meeting at a local bar or coffee shop. You really should get to know someone a little before you invite them to your home or go to their home. You really want to know if they are who they say they are and not some weirdo. Of course, even meeting them in public places does not guarantee safety. Use your common sense when first meeting someone new.
If anything feels off, just excuse yourself and leave. It’s always better to be safe than sorry.
Go to Swinger Clubs Newbie Nights
If you plan to go to swingers clubs, I would highly recommend going to a swingers club newbie night first. It’s usually held on a day that is not as busy and is designed to familiarize new swingers to the club and its rules. Newbie nights will help you to relax and let you dip your feet into the water instead of just tossing you into the deep end.
If they offer a new member orientation, go to it. It will be well worth your time. You can also ask any questions you may have at the orientation. Another plus about attending the new member orientation is that you will get to meet other couples that are new as well as some of the club’s staff.
Attend Swinger Lifestyle Meet and Greets
If you are new to swinging and find that swingers clubs are too intimidating for you currently. Going to swinger lifestyle meet and greets may be a better option for you. They are usually lower key and more like a regular bar get-together.
Many meet and greets are actually held at local bars and nightclubs. Watch for these and attend as many as you can. It’s a great way to meet other swingers in a lower pressure environment.
Always Groom Well When Meeting Going out to Swing
This should go without saying, but some still need to hear this. Make sure you are well groomed and clean when you go out to swinger events or to meet other swingers. Nobody wants to have sex with someone that smells bad or does not take care of themselves.
Dress to Impress When Going out to Swing
When going out swinging, it helps you get noticed if you are dressed to impress. You want to put your best side forward and look the best you can. Think back to your dating days when you were out looking to meet someone to date.
You will also find that most swingers clubs have strict dress codes. Check out their dress codes and see what they want guests to wear.
Wear Something That Makes You Feel Sexy When Swinging
This tip can go a long way at attracting others and being a little more outgoing. Put on something that makes you feel really sexy wearing. The sexier you feel, the more people will notice you as someone they would like to get to know and possibly have sex with.
Don’t Drink Too Much When Swinging
I see so many new swingers that drink way too much to attempt to calm their nerves. Almost all of the time it ends up badly. Either you look like an idiot, get sick, or if you are a male, can’t get an erection.
Yes, first time swinging is usually nerve wracking, but adding to much alcohol to the equation ends in a disaster and not having a good experience. Have a drink to relax, just pace yourself so you don’t drink too much and end up drunk.
Always Respect Other Swingers Privacy
It’s very important to respect other swingers privacy. If you see someone in public that you have met or seen at a swingers club or event, don’t talk about swinging if others are around. Many swingers don’t want others to know about their lifestyle. Or fear repercussions from work if their boss found out.
You will find that many swingers are in high paying positions or high-status positions. It’s a shame that so many people judge others and push their views on them. So, respect other swingers privacy and expect them to respect yours.
Never Take Pictures or Videos of Swingers Without Permission
This is another one that should go without saying. Never take pictures or videos of other swingers without their permission. If you are playing with someone and you want to film or take pictures, clear it through the people you are playing with first. Some love it, while others hate it.
Enjoy Watching and Learning From Other Swingers
You can learn a lot about the swinger lifestyle by just watching other swingers. It can also be very enjoyable if you are into voyeurism. You can learn how they approach other swingers, how they interact with them, and even how they have sex with others.
Take the time as new swingers and just observe other swingers for a bit. You will learn a lot and possibly get a lot of enjoyment out of it.
Bring Your Own Condoms and Lube When Swinging
Many swingers club do have free condoms available. But don’t count on it. Always bring an ample supply of condoms and lube with you when going out to swing. You don’t want to have an opportunity crop up and you are not prepared.
Bring Towels Just in Case When Swinging
It’s usually best to pack a towel for each of you and possibly a hand towel or washcloth. On-premise Swingers club normally supply towels to the guests. But, when the action gets going, sometimes they can’t keep up with the towel needs of the guests. You could even leave the towels you brought in your car and run out and get them if you need them.
Possibly Bring Sex Toys When Swinging
If you enjoy sex toys, pack them in your bag and bring them along to swingers events or when meeting other swingers. Many swingers love to play with sex toys. It can also be a great way to get the action going and break the ice with swingers you meet.
Don’t Be Afraid to Say No Thank You to Other Swingers
If you are approached by other swingers and asked if you would like to join them for sex, don’t be afraid to say “no thank you” in a polite way if you are not interested. No means no, in the swinger lifestyle. Of course, you will run into the occasional ass that does not want to take no for an answer. If you are at a swingers club, report them to the staff or security. A good club will handle the issue.
If you are at a local bar, find a bouncer, or just leave. If they follow you, call the police. It’s just like any other situation. You have the freedom to make your own decision about what you want to do and don’t want to do.
Don’t Get Overly Attached to Swinger Sex Partners
It’s human nature for people that have sex to get attached to each other. This is one way long term relationship bonds form. It’s in our DNA. It’s great when you can form a really great friendship bond with other sexual partners. But, if the bond becomes too close and to the point that it could cause trouble with the relationship between you and your partner, it’s best to talk this through and even stop having sex with the other person for a period of time.
You will also see polyamorous relationships that form over time in the swinger lifestyle. You will meet couples that are actually three or four people that all love each other. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having an extend family so to say. Just be aware that bonds can form and decide how they should best be handled.
Set the Mood for Sex When Playing With Other Swingers
Sometimes it’s a little awkward to get the sex going when you meet new swingers and decide to play. If that happens, set the mood for sex. Dim the lights, put on some soft music, sexually tease each other, or even do a striptease.
Another way to put everyone in the mood for sex and move from talking to actual sex is by playing a swinger or adult game. Even a few rounds of strip poker can get the action going.
Create and Carry a Sex Kit With You for Swinging
You could put together a little bag that has condoms, lube, a lightweight towel and some hand wipes. Carry this with you whenever you go out to swingers club, bars, or other places that you may just happen to get lucky at. This little sex kit can also be a lifesaver for the unexpected sex occasions that can happen. Who knows, you may meet a person in a bar that the two of you want to have a threesome with, out behind a tree out of sight or in your car.
Have Fun, the Swinger Lifestyle Is Mainly Just Recreational Sex
Here is one of the best tips I can give to any new swinger. Just have fun. The swinger lifestyle is mainly about recreational sex. Just enjoy the flirting, socializing, and sexual experiences that happen. Did I say, just have fun?
Don’t Forget the Swinger Couples After Care
After you have a swinger sexual encounter, make sure you and your partner sit down and talk about it. Discuss what each of you enjoyed, as well as what you did not. Talk out any concerns or jealousy that surfaced also. Take the time to just be with each other and talk about the experience the two of you just shared.
