Every new swinger and seasoned swinger needs to be aware of three specific emotions that they most likely will encounter while swinging. These three emotions are jealousy, envy, and compersion.
We’ll first start off by explaining what each of these emotions is in simple terms. I’ll try to leave the textbook definitions out and define them as simply as I can. I will also cover what the difference is between jealousy and envy.
After we have, hopefully, a clear understanding of what each of these three emotions are, we will take a look at each of them as they relate to swinging.
Let’s start off by examining the emotion of jealousy.
What Is Jealousy?
Let’s answer our first question. What is jealousy?
Jealousy is basically a feeling of being resentful towards someone that has something you don’t. This negative feeling of bitterness can be brought on by someone that is more successful, has better toys, has a better relationship, etc. than you do.
Jealousy can also rear its ugly head when you feel you are losing something you own. Sadly, this includes relationships. Many people feel they own their partner and get extremely jealous when someone gives their partner attention and they feel their partner is liking the attention too much.
Jealousy can start out simply as a feeling of suspicion or a feeling of uneasiness that you are about to lose someone to someone else. Again, this type of jealousy is usually brought on by someone giving your partner more attention than you would like, because you feel you own your partner.
Let’s move on and answer our next question. What is envy?
What Is Envy?
Envy can basically be described as a feeling of wanting or desiring something or some circumstance someone else has. This feeling of envy is usually negative but can in some circumstances be positive. Let me explain.
You could have a feeling of being mad at someone because they have something or someone that you want. Or, you could have a feeling of strong desire to have something or someone that another person has. But the envious feeling motivates you to obtain your desire by making yourself better or learning something new that can bring you closer to obtaining your desire.
Let’s take a quick look at examples of both.
You despise someone for owning a very expensive car. You are envious of them because you want the same car but can’t afford it. This is bad envy.
You admire it but wish you owned that same car. You decide to work towards your goal of obtaining a car just like the one you saw. This is motivational envy and is a good thing.
Many people confuse jealousy and envy, or feel they are the same. So, let’s look at the difference between jealousy and envy next.
What Is the Difference Between Jealousy and Envy?
Many people use the term jealousy and envy interchangeably. Many times, you will hear someone say they are jealous of someone when they really mean they are envious of them. Jealousy and envy are two different and distinct emotions and feelings. Let’s look at the differences between the two.
Envy is usually when you see someone that has what you desire. Jealousy is basically when you feel you are going to lose something or someone you feel you own to another person. Envy can be both a good and bad emotion, while jealousy is always a bad emotion.
Next, let’s explore a third emotion you may experience that is the opposite of jealousy. The emotion of compersion.
What Is Compersion?
Compersion is a positive emotion and is pretty much the polar opposite of jealousy. It’s the feeling of happiness and excitement felt when seeing your partner or someone else happy, or feeling enjoyment or excitement from an activity or other person they are involved with.
If you have ever been happy for someone else, you have felt compersion to some extent.
Now that you are familiar with jealousy, envy, and compersion, let’s explore how these emotions relate to swinging. We’ll start off with the emotion jealousy.
Swinging and Jealousy
Couples new to swinging need to be prepared for possible bouts of jealousy. Even well-seasoned swingers can have jealousy rear its ugly head out of the blue. You can prepare ahead of time how to handle jealousy, but you can’t prevent it from happening, no matter how much you love and trust each other.
Here are a few examples of unexpected jealousy new swingers may run into.
You see your partner enjoying sex with another person and it appears they are enjoying sex with the new person more than they enjoy sex with you. You start feeling that your partner may leave you for someone that is better at sexually fulfilling them.
When you return from getting a drink at the bar, you notice someone, or a couple is sitting with your partner and are groping your partner. You then notice your partner is enjoying the sexual attention. You get mad because this was happening without you there. You get jealous and upset about the attention they are getting.
The two of you are chatting with another couple. You notice that all of their attention is on your partner, and you are being ignored. This upsets you and you get jealous about your partner being the center of attention.
You swap partners and have same room sex. You hear your partner getting very vocal as they orgasm. They have never been vocal when orgasming with you. You feel they may leave you for this new sexual partner because they had a better orgasm with them than you. Jealousy rears its ugly head.
You and your partner need to sit down and discuss how you will deal with and handle jealousy if it shows itself. You need to do this before you start swinging. Never say that it won’t happen to the two of you. Jealousy is a strange emotion and can strike when least expected.
If it does strike, you can agree to stop, get dressed, and leave. Or excuse yourself, and the two of you go talk it out. Just don’t ignore it and hope it just goes away. It will just fester and get worse.
Now, let’s move on and discuss swinging and envy next.
Swinging and Envy
Envy can happen while swinging from time to time. In fact, it crops up quite often with new swingers. Luckily, it’s not near as ugly as jealousy when it pops up. You still need to be prepared to recognize and handle any envy that happens.
Let’s examine some examples of envy you may run across while swinging.
You are having a MFM threesome, and the other guy is very well hung. As he slides his cock deep into your partner, you watch her eyes get big, she gasps, and then smiles. You then start to envy the other guy wishing you had a large cock and could make your partner gasp and smile like she just did with him.
You see a very hot woman paying attention to your man. You start to envy her wishing you looked that hot and your partner would look at you the way he is looking at her.
You are in the orgy room, and you see a guy just going and going. It seems that he has lasted for hours. You start to envy him wishing you could last as long as him.
You see four or five guys having sex with a single woman. You notice just how happy and sexually excited she is. You start to envy her and wish it was you being the center of attention of the guys.
You watch a woman deepthroat your guy all the way down. You get envious of her because you can only take his cock halfway. You want to be able to do this to your partner but currently can’t.
I could go on and on with examples. But I’m sure you get my point. You will run into people and situations that you wish you could be like or be participating in.
You may even feel a little upset about the person or situation. Just realize it is just envy and thankfully not jealousy.
Envy can even help to motivate you to explore sexual situations more deeply, or even strive to be more like the person you are feeling envious of. Envy can be a good motivation if you take it for what it is and use it as a motivational factor and not a negative envy.
Let me give you a personal example. My wife and I were having a MFM threesome with another male. He did something while fingering her that sent her into the stratosphere. She really loved what he was doing. When I saw this, I got a little envious of him because of what he could do to her. I wanted to be able to do the same. So, after the three of us were recovering from a really great MFM threesome, I asked him to show me exactly what he was doing. I then started using that same technique on my wife when it was just the two of us having sex. I used that moment of envy in a positive way. Oh, and my wife was very happy that I learned that fingering technique he used on her.
Bottom line is be prepared for envy to pop up from time to time while having fun in the swinger lifestyle. Use it in a positive manner. And realize that there will be others better at something than you and you will be better at something than others.
Now that we have covered jealousy and envy while swinging a little, let’s move on and explore something you should be hoping to experience while swinging quite frequently. That being compersion.
Swinging and Compersion
The swinger lifestyle can bring on many opportunities to experience compersion. Many new swingers actually get to experience compersion for the first time as it relates to a sexual encounter.
Just imagine one of these scenarios happening.
Your wife or girlfriend is the center of sexual attention from a couple or a few single guys. You see her acting all bashful, smiling, playing with her hair, and loving all the attention. You feel happy for her and just enjoy her happiness in the moment.
You swapped partners and you hear your partner starting to orgasm. You can almost feel their orgasm and enjoy hearing them. You know they are feeling good and enjoying the moment. You feel all warm inside knowing they are really enjoying themselves.
Your partner is enjoying her first big cock. You hear her moan and smile as he slides his huge cock slowly into her. She squeezes your hand and smiles at you. This makes you feel warm and loved by her. You are benefiting from her enjoyment.
You arrange a sexual intimate massage for your partner. You watch for a while and then join in. You can feel and see their enjoyment. It makes you feel wonderful inside.
Each time you enjoy watching, seeing, or just knowing that your partner is enjoying sex with someone makes you feel good inside just knowing they are really enjoying the moment. That is compersion. It’s a feeling we should all reach to obtain.