The swinger lifestyle can be a great experience for quality and respectful single males. The single males that seem to do well in the lifestyle learn what the swinger lifestyle is truly all about.
Many single males enter the domain of swingers not having a clue what the swinging lifestyle is about or thinking it’s a sex club full of wild uninhibited sex for everyone that dares enter the swinger realm.
Sadly, these single males learn very quickly that it’s nothing like what they expected, leave the lifestyle quickly, or try to force the lifestyle to change to meet their personal expectations. For these single males, the couples in the lifestyle quickly show them the door.
But, the quality and respectful guys that really know what the swinger lifestyle is all about, usually do very well and are welcomed by couples with open arms.
If you are brand new to the swinger lifestyle or are just starting to learn about it, you may want to read Swinging and the Single Male: A Survival Guide first, and then read this article full of tips for single guys interested in the swinger lifestyle.
Here are 12 hot tips to help the single male that is interested in the swinger lifestyle. I hope you enjoy them and find them helpful.
Swinging Is Primarily a Couples Activity
The swinger lifestyle is still and has always been primarily a couple’s lifestyle and sexual activity. When entering the swinger lifestyle as a single male, you need to always keep this in mind.
The swinger lifestyle is mainly about wife swapping, and group sex between couples. As well as couples making new open-minded friends. So, as a single male, make sure you don’t mistake the swinger lifestyle with sex clubs for singles. Swinging is about couples, not singles. The swinger lifestyle scene and the sex club scene may overlap, but they are different.
Realize That Not All Couples Want to Play With Single Men
As a single male in the swinger lifestyle, you need to be very aware that most couples do not play with single males. They only play with other couples. Remember how I said that the swinging lifestyle is primarily about couples?
Now, some couples do enjoy adding a single male into their bedroom play. These are the couples you will want to get to know. There is also a kink called hotwifing that welcomes single males with open arms. If you are not sure what hotwifing is, read up on the hotwife niche in the article, What Exactly Is a Hotwife?
The bottom line is, don’t expect all couples in the swinging lifestyle to welcome you into their bedroom.
When Attending a Swingers Club, Learn All of Its Rules
This actually goes for couples too. When attending a new swingers club or party, learn all of its rules and make sure you understand them. Many clubs have additional rules for single males. It’s extremely important for single males to know these rules so they don’t turn a fun evening into being escorted out by security and told never to return.
Most clubs have rules concerning where single males are allowed to go in the club, as well as rules about aggression and not taking no as the final answer.
If you play by the club rules, you can have a great time as a single male, and if all goes well, make new friends with possible benefits.
As a single male, you also need to understand that almost all swinger clubs limit the number of single males that can attend a party. Many even have nights that only couples are allowed.
If you plan to attend a new swingers club, find out from the club what is required to enter the club as a single male. Some have specific nights single males are allowed and limit the entry of single males that are on their guest list.
If the club requires you to be on a special guest list, find out how to get on that list. Other clubs only allow single males that are first sponsored by a couple.
Follow All Club or Party Rules if You Want to Be Invited Back
I have already touched on this topic, but it warrants its own topic. Follow all club rules if you want to be invited back. If you don’t fully understand a rule, ask the club to clarify it. It’s always better to ask, than to guess at a rule.
I can give you one good example. Some clubs have separate play areas for couples and single males. Some single males either accidentally or deliberately go into the couples only play area. This can get you tossed out of the club and banned from ever coming back. So, make sure you understand which areas you are allowed to venture into and which ones you are not as a single male.
Another major rule any quality swinger club will have is the no means no rule. If a couple tells you that they are not interested, you need to drop the subject and move on. If you don’t, and they complain to the club, you will be escorted out.
Club rules are there for a reason. Everyone should follow them regardless of whether they are a single male or a couple. Each rule is made for a reason.
Check Your Ego at the Door
This is a big tip. When entering a swinger club or party, check your ego at the door. It’s not welcome.
You may in fact be hot, sexy, muscular, and many girls dream guy. But that’s not the case when you enter a swingers club. You become one of many single males in attendance.
Don’t worry, I’ll give you some tips on how to stand out of the crowd without being looked at as egotistical and seen as a chest thumping idiot. You will find that swingers have seen it all. What works in the dating and pick up scene does not always work in the swinger lifestyle scene.
Be Outgoing and Personable When Interacting With Couples
Want to meet a lot of swinger couples that may be interested in swinging with a single male? Be outgoing and personable when approaching and interacting with swinger couples. You want to be someone that is pleasurable to meet and talk to.
Take your time and get to know a couple you are interested in possibly playing with. Make yourself available without being pushy. If a couple is interested in playing with you, they will usually say so or give you very strong signs. Swinger women are usually not shy about flirting with someone they are sexually interested in.
Sexual Aggression Comes Over as Desperation
Whatever you do, NEVER be overly sexually aggressive. It comes over as pure desperation. I don’t know of a single couple that would want to have sex with someone that is appearing as desperate.
The sad fact, this is what gets so many single males kicked out of swinger clubs. They get overly aggressive with a female, and she complains to the club about you.
Also, keep in mind, swinger women talk to each other. Once one has a really bad experience with a single male, it does not take long for word to get around the club.
So, keep your sexual aggression in check. There is a proper time for you to get sexually aggressive. Let the woman lead with the aggression. If she is being aggressive with you, it’s most likely going to be OK for you to get a little aggressive back. But always watch for signs that you are getting more aggressive than she wants.
Be Respectful to Both the Man and the Woman
I see this happen way too much. A single male will talk to the woman while totally ignoring her husband. This comes over as disrespect. If you are only interested in single women, you need to be out dating and not at a swingers event. Swinging is mainly about couples.
Make sure you get to know both the man and the woman when interacting with them. Also, never try to wedge yourself between the man and woman. It’s pretty much seen as trying to steal the woman from the man and is frowned on in the swinger lifestyle.
If at all possible, you should approach the couple when they are together. Never try to corner a woman while she is away from her husband. It is usually taken as being overly aggressive.
Now, there are times you can approach a woman while she is away from her husband. If she is out scouting the club and flirts with you then it’s probably going to be OK to approach her. It’s usually best to ask to meet her husband. This way you are showing that you like her, but respect both of them.
Another example of when it’s perfectly fine to make your first contact with the woman alone would be if she is standing beside you in the club. Nothing wrong with introducing yourself and chatting a bit. Just make sure you bring up meeting her husband if the two of you seem to hit it off.
Now, if a woman is clearly hitting on you, by all means take that as a sign that it’s OK to talk with her alone without her husband. They are probably open to single males.
Bottom line is, just be respectful of both the man and woman. Remember, they are a couple, and she is not a single woman in the dating scene.
Always Remember You Are a Guest
When attending a swinger party, club, or when being invited by a couple for sexual play, always keep in mind that you are a guest. You can be asked to leave at any time.
I want you to imagine that you are married to a woman that you love and respect. Now, you decide together that you would like to bring a single male into your sexual adventures. How would you want that single guy to act? Do you want him being overly aggressive with her and ignoring you? Or do you want him to have respect for both of you? Especially since you invited him in as a guest.
If You Are Homophobic the Lifestyle May Not Be for You as a Single Male
I even hate that this still needs to be said. But sadly, it does. If you are homophobic, the swinger lifestyle may not be a good fit for you as a single male. Let me explain why.
Most couples looking for single males are interested in having threesomes where both males pleasure the woman at the same time. This does lead to the two males being in very close proximity to each other and occasionally making some skin-to-skin contact with each other.
Also, think about this. What if the woman enjoys double penetration or giving double blowjobs? Could you handle that type of contact with another male when both of the males are straight?
Paying to Get in a Swinger Club Does Not Entitle You to Sex
When some single males go to a swingers club, they feel they are entitled to have sex because of the high door fees they usually pay. These single males don’t last long in the swinger lifestyle.
Let me put it very bluntly. Just because you pay to get in a swinger club, does not entitle you to sex. If you are single male and feel you are entitled, don’t bother even coming to a swingers club. Your motives will quickly be uncovered by your aggressive actions, and you will be escorted out, banned from the club, and your door fee will not be refunded.
I don’t want to end this list of tips for single guys interested in the swinger lifestyle, so I’m going to share one of my best tips next.
Don’t Be Shy
I saved my best tip for last. As a single male in the swinger lifestyle, you have to put yourself out there. You can’t be shy. If you see a couple that interests you, go over to them and say hi. Take a moment to simply introduce yourself.
If the couple is interested in you even a little, they will most likely ask if you would like to sit down and chat a little. Whatever you do, don’t just sit down without an invitation. That usually just causes a very awkward situation and can make you look creepy. You don’t want that.
Even if a couple does not ask you to sit down or stay and talk, at least you have broken the ice with them. They may actually seek you out later that night.
My wife and I see so many single males at club just sitting at the bar looking at their phones all night. Or single guys standing against a wall with a blank stare on their face. It makes you think, why are they even at a swingers club?
So, get out there and make new friends. Even if a couple is not interested in playing with you, they may mention how nice you are to a couple they know that is interested in you sexually.
To be a successful single male in the swinger lifestyle, you have to mingle. If you just wait for couples to approach you, you may be in for a long wait. The more couples you make friends with, the better your chances of being a single male swinger.
