So, you are interested in talking to your partner about possibly swinging. This conversation could turn out to be a great one or a conversation from hell.
So how do you bring up the idea of swinging with your partner?
When bringing up the idea of swinging with your partner, you need to do it slowly and you need to choose your words very carefully. You want to enhance your relationship, not destroy it. You could bring up the idea of swinging in a casual conversation. But you need to test the waters first.
Let’s explore several ways that you can bring up the idea of swinging to your partner and what types of push back you may receive.
How to Bring up the Idea of Swinging With Your Partner
If your partner is not the jealous type and is fairly open-minded, it may be easier than you think to bring up the subject of swinging.
But keep in mind that many people may like to fantasize about something but never act it out in real life. Or they may be afraid that they will be judged if they act it out.
With that in mind, I would recommend to just test the waters first, before bringing up that you would like for the two of you to try swinging.
Test the Waters First Before Bringing up Swinging With Your Partner
Most people have fantasies. This is completely normal. Some fantasies we would like to live out while others we want to only fantasize about.
Many people are afraid or embarrassed to talk about their fantasies to their partner. They may feel that their partner will think less of them or even leave them because of a fantasy they have.
Your partner may have a fantasy about having sex with other people or possibly swinging and is afraid to even mention it to you.
You need to test the waters a little before bringing up the discussion about possibly swinging or just having sex with others.
One way to do this is through casual conversation.
Causal Conversations With Your Partner About Swinging
One way to test the waters before bringing up the possibility of swinging with your partner is through casual conversation that touches on the subject.
These casual conversations should be kept light and only touch on the subject of swinging in a non-threatening way.
The main focus on these conversations should be on seeing how your partner reacts and how open-minded or closed-minded they are.
If the two of you are out and you see someone hot, point them out to your partner and ask them what they think. I would recommend pointing out someone the same sex as you the first few times. This would be less threatening to your partner.
If your partner reacts well and possibly starts pointing out hot people to you, you’re on a good track and you can move on to the next scenario.
If you are watching a scene in a movie that has three or more people having sex, very casually mention that it looks like fun. You could make some type of wisecrack after saying it to lighten the mood if needed.
Listen carefully to how your partner responds. Their response could give you a green light to take it further and bring up swinging in a conversation.
Bringing up Swinging in a Conversation With Your Partner
Bring up the topic of swinging with your partner. Don’t bring it up by saying something like, “I would like to try swinging.” That could backfire on you big time.
Say something like, “I was watching a video the other day and they mentioned swinging, have you heard of it?” This is a lot safer way to bring up the topic of swinging. It’s non-threatening and does not state that you want to try swinging.
What you are after at this point is to just open the conversation to the topic of swinging in general. You want to get their opinion about it.
If your partner does not show disgust or negativity to swinging, you could tell them about a dream you had that involved multiple sex partners. Or one that just involved flirting with multiple people.
If they don’t seem to get totally upset with the topic of swinging, you could at a later date suggest a movie to watch that is primarily about the swinging lifestyle. Or show them an article you read about the benefits of swinging.
Let’s look at another route you could take to bring up swinging in a conversation next.
Invite a Couple That Swing Over for Dinner to Start the Conversation With Your Partner
If you know a couple that are swingers, you could invite them for dinner. Be careful with this one. You don’t want your partner to feel that they are being ambushed.
After a little light dinner conversation, you could bring up something crazy or daring you and your partner did. This could be anything from skydiving, camping, sneaking into a theater, to going swimming at night. Basically, anything the two of you have done will actually work.
Now, ask your swinger guests what the wildest thing is they have done lately. Of course, you have already mentioned to them to bring up swinging. Let them tell a bit about one of their sexual encounters in the swinger lifestyle.
Watch and listen to see how your partner reacts. If they seem intrigued even a little, keep the conversation going. If they seem to be repulsed by the conversation, change it to something they enjoy talking about.
If they were not totally repulsed by the initial swinging conversation, you can causally touch on something to do with swinging a few more times as the evening progresses. Just keep a close eye on how your partner reacts.
Let’s move on and explore another way you could bring up the swinging conversation to your partner.
Visit a Sex Shop Together to Possibly Bring up Swinging With Your Partner
If your partner is not totally closed-minded, you could possibly talk them into going to a sex shop with you.
You will want to plan the trip to the sex shop together. Planning and going to a sex shop together can be a mildly kinky way to bring up the topic of swinging in a setting that it would not come out of the blue.
Even if the opportunity to bring us swinging does not happen, at least the two of you have a chance to explore each other’s sexuality a little. Just exploring each other’s sexuality and getting to know each other a little better sexually could bring a closed mind to a slightly open mind.
When the two of you arrive at the sex shop, take your time and browse every section of the store. You are here to learn more about each other.
Look at and possibly try on some sexy outfits or even fetish outfits. Look at all the different sex toys. Especially any sex toys designed for couples. Pay close attention to your partner at all times. Mentally note what seems to interest them.
Before we move on, I want to highly recommend keeping all conversations playful you have while in the sex store. You want to set your partner at ease.
If your partner seems to be enjoying your sex shop trip, head back over to either the double dongs or the strap-ons.
Jokingly mention how you would like to see your partner use this on another woman or if you are the woman, how you would love to try it out on another woman.
See how your partner reacts to this. If they react well, casually mention that the two of you should look into swinging. Don’t have the discussion about the two of you swinging just yet. Unless they bring it up and mention that they may like to swing.
If you don’t have a sex shop near you, or you can’t talk your partner into going to one with you, here is another way you could bring up the swinging conversation in the comforts of your own home.
Watch a Porn Together and Bring up the Topic of Swinging With Your Partner
If you can talk your partner into watching a porn with you, that could give you plenty of openings to bring up the topic of swinging.
Look for porns that have plenty of threesomes or couple swapping. Group sex scenes can also work well.
You can make simple statements like that looks fun, have you ever had a fantasy about having a threesome?
You can also mention that you would love to see something like that in person and how it turns you on.
Try to get your partner to mention what they see in the porn that sexually excites them even a little.
Don’t overdo it. You don’t want to overwhelm your partner.
The next day or even a few days later you could bring up some things the two of you saw in the porn movie you watched together.
Ask them what types of porn would they like to watch?
Now that we have entered the realm of fantasies a little, let’s look at using fantasies to bring up the subject of swinging with your partner.
Talk About Your Fantasies With Your Partner to Bring up Swinging
During sexual foreplay you could bring up a fantasy you have or get your partner to talk about one they have.
You could start off by telling your partner how much you enjoy seeing them enjoying sex and being sexually fulfilled.
You could tell them how much you enjoy watching them getting turned on and how you enjoy watching them have an orgasm.
If they seem to be responding well, it’s time to tell them about a fantasy you have about watching them having sex with someone else or a group of people. Keep the fantasy telling as part of the sexual foreplay.
After sex, you could mention how you would like to see a couple or group of people having sex in person. If your partner responds well, you could bring up the possibility of going to a swingers club just to watch.
If they agree, you just broke the ice with your partner. Don’t push it further at this time.
Find a swingers club together and plan your trip. Don’t try to get your partner to have sex with anyone while you are there. You are there just to watch.
If your partner mentions that they would like to take things further and join in on the fun, go for it. Just don’t push them into anything. Let your partner make the next move.
If all is going well, you could over the weeks to come, start selling your partner on the benefits of swinging. Let’s explore that next.
Sell the Benefits Your Partner Could Receive From Swinging
If your partner has not totally rejected the swinger lifestyle, you could move on and start selling them on the benefits that they could receive by getting involved in the swinging lifestyle. Do the selling slowly, not all at once!
When selling the benefits, keep it 100% about them. Not about you or the two of you. Keep it all about them.
Start looking for articles about the benefits of swinging. Take notes about the benefits that you feel may interest your partner.
Look for times that feel right and mention something your read about one of the benefits of the swinging lifestyle. As you do this over time, make mental notes about the benefits that your partner seemed interested in.
Be very careful how you word things. You don’t want your partner to feel like they are being pushed or cornered.
If your partner seems to be responding well and warming up to the topic of possibly swinging, it’s time for the two of you to learn more about the swingers lifestyle.
Learn More About Swinging Together as a Team
Now that you have actually had a conversation with your partner about swinging, and it went well, it’s time for the two of you to learn more about it together.
Work as a team to start reading about the swinging lifestyle. Take notes of what aspects of swinging interest each of you.
Share any concerns either of you have so the two of you can talk them through.
Listen carefully to each other. What does your partner want to get out of swinging? What do you want to get out of swinging?
This is an adventure that the two of you are taking together. Be partners in crime. Make it something fun and exciting. The trip can be as exciting as the destination.
If Your Partner Is Very Open-Minded About Sex
If your partner is very open-minded and is easy to talk to about sex, you may be able to start the discussion about being interested in swinging fairly easy.
You could make a comment about being interested in adding something playful and a little outside your comfort zone to the bedroom. Ask your partner for ideas.
If they don’t bring up threesomes or group sex, you could possibly inject one of their ideas into yours. For example, you could say, I like that idea, but I bet doing that with three people or another couple could be really fun. What do you think?
This may be a good time to only mention that the two of you could just do soft swapping. All types of foreplay with others but no penetration.
Just listen to your partner and don’t push anything they seem to be pushing back on. You can always bring those ideas up later after the two of you have explored some forms of swinging first.
Things to Be Prepared for When Bringing up Swinging With Your Partner
When you first bring up swinging there are some things that may go through your partner’s mind. You need to be prepared and work out how you would handle them.
You know your partner the best, so you best know how to handle them. Here are a few thoughts or questions that may go through your partner’s mind.
Am I not good enough for you?
Will you leave me for someone else that is better in bed?
Do you not love me anymore?
Why do you want to have sex with someone else?
Why would I want to have sex with someone else?
I don’t want anyone else having sex with my partner!
You need to really think this through. Are you prepared for the push backs you can get from bringing up the idea of swinging with your partner?
If you are, get ready for possibly one of the most exciting adventures the two of you can take together.