So, you have a sex fantasy locked up inside you that you would love to share with your partner. But you don’t have the courage to just tell them about it. Maybe you’re afraid of them reacting negatively to it. Or you’re afraid of being judged by them as a bad person.
Sometimes it’s even difficult to share a sex fantasy because you simply don’t know why it turns you on. So, you just mentally indulge in your sex fantasies and never even try to make them really happen.
Let’s explore why sharing your fantasies can be extremely difficult and what you can do about it. Let’s start off by looking at why sharing sex fantasies with your partner can actually have many benefits.
The Many Benefits of Sharing Your Sex Fantasies With Each Other
When you share a sex fantasy with your partner, you are inviting them into your inner world. This can be a very intimate act. Sharing sex fantasies can also be a very erotic event for both of you. This alone can lead towards more intimacy between the two of you.
Sharing sex fantasies can also liven up the sex life between you and your partner. Just sharing a small sex fantasy can lead to experimentation and trying new things. A shared sex fantasy can spark new creative sex ideas the two of you can share together. The ideas that surface may not even have anything to do with the sex fantasy you shared.
The sharing of sex fantasies can lead to more trust and a deeper sexual connection between you and your partner. You know that it’s OK to share your inner thoughts and fantasies, even the ones that neither of you would ever even consider acting out.
Sharing sex fantasies before sex, can really put you both in the mood for really wild and creative sex. You could even find that both of you get extremely aroused when sharing sex fantasies with each other.
Don’t Worry, Having Sex Fantasies Is Completely Normal
Everyone has fantasies. Some of them may dominate your thoughts while others are only a fleeting thought brought on by reading, seeing, smelling, or hearing something. Sexual fantasies are completely normal. We all have them. Even sex fantasies that may be considered upsetting to others or are extremely taboo are still normal. They are your sex fantasies, not other people’s. So, never worry about having sex fantasies regardless of how tame or taboo they are.
A sexual fantasy starts off and usually remains nothing more than an erotic image or thought in your mind that was triggered by some type of outside stimulus. Many of our sexual fantasies play out in our dreams and can bring on emotions from stimulating to embarrassment to frightening.
Most of our sex fantasies stay just that. A fantasy. While others spark desire to act them out in real life. Sex fantasies can inspire you to step out of your comfort zone and act them out. They can bring on new erotic and wild experiences.
Just thinking about a sex fantasy or talking about one can act as a strong aphrodisiac. So, spice up your sex life and take the time to mentally explore your wildest sex fantasies from time to time.
Do You Have Any of the Most Common Sex Fantasies?
Your wildest sex fantasy my actually be quite common. Here is a list of the most common sex fantasies people have. Is one or more of your fantasies on this list? Or is one of your sex fantasies a combination of fantasies on this list? Please note, these fantasies are in no particular order.
Threesomes – Having sex with two other people. These threesome fantasies can be two guys and one girl, two girls and one guy, or even three of the same sex. Threesome fantasies range from straight sex to bisexual sex to gay and lesbian sex. Threesome sex fantasies are an extremely popular fantasy.
Orgies and Group sex – Another popular fantasy is having sex with a group of people. The group could be just four or five other sex partners all the way up to large numbers of people having sex known as orgies.
Bisexual Sex – Having sex with partners of both sexes at the same time is an extremely popular sex fantasy, especially among women.
Partner Swapping – This is a very common sex fantasy with swingers. It involves swapping partners with another couple for sex. The sex can be in the same room at the same time, or different rooms. This sex fantasy can also take place in separate locations and even on different dates.
BDSM – Sex fantasies in the BDSM realm include fantasies that contain bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. BDSM sex fantasies can be on the mild side all the way up to the extreme.
Rough Sex – Rough sex fantasies are also extremely popular. Rough sex fantasies can contain rough handling of someone while having sex, hard fucking that can sometimes knock the breath out of the receiver, manhandling, etc. It also encompasses lower key rough sex like ripping clothes off, tossing someone onto a bed and other lighter versions of being rough with someone you are having sex with.
Power and Control Sex – Sex fantasies that contain elements of having power over someone or control of someone include sexual bribery, financial control, sex slave, cuckolding, and other forms that cause someone to be in control of someone or being controlled by someone. Some of the fantasies can fall close, if not actually in the criminal realm.
Non-monogamous Relationships – These type of popular sex fantasies include swinging, hotwifing, hothusbanding, polyamory, and other types of open relationships. Basically, any type of relationship where you have more than one love or sex interest.
Gangbangs – Gangbangs are when one woman has sex with a large number of men. Other forms of gangbangs include reverse gangbangs where one man has sex with a large number of women. Gangbangs can also be same sex where one person is the center of sexual attention. Gangbang fantasies range from gentle to extremely rough.
Shape Shifters and Alien – These types of sex fantasies include sex with vampires, werewolves, alien creatures, and any other form that can change the way they appear or are not human. These are actually extremely popular sex fantasies in erotic books.
Taming – Taming sex fantasies usually are when a woman tames a very aggressive or wild guy. Some examples include bikers, outlaws, extreme alpha males and the like.
Gender Bending – Gender bending sex fantasies include cross-dressing, same sex fantasies even though you are straight, as well as other fantasies that push your gender identity.
Romance – Romance sex fantasies include romantic sexual rendezvous, being swept off your feet, being romanced, feeling loved, sexual appreciation, feeling sexually desirable, etc. This type of fantasy is usually combined with other types of sex fantasies. Think romance novels.
Cheating – Cheating fantasies include having sex with someone without your partner’s knowledge or consent. It also includes fantasies of catching your partner cheating or being caught cheating.
Adventure Sex – These type of sex fantasies include sex in the outdoors, going to new places to have sex, having sex in places that you may get caught, sex in swingers clubs, sex in sex clubs, etc. Anything that could be considered an adventure that includes sex.
Novelty Sex – New, original, or unusual sex can fall in the novelty sex fantasy realm. Experimenting with sex toys and different sex positions would also fall in this category of sex fantasy.
Variety Sex – Fantasies that encompass multiple sexual situations that are constantly changing can be considered variety sex fantasies. Variety sex fantasies are usually aimed at breaking sexual monotony.
Voyeur and Exhibitionist Sex – Watching others have sex or being watched by others while having sex are very popular sex fantasies. These type of sex fantasies also include sex in public.
Taboo Sex – Taboo sex fantasies include any type of sex that society tells you is wrong. A lot of sex fantasies fall into this category. Unusual sex acts can also fall into this category. This category encompasses a wide variety of sexual fantasies.
Bringing up Sex Fantasies Can Be Difficult for Many Reasons
Bringing up and talking about sex fantasies should be easy. Except for how we all have been raised, brainwashed, whatever you want to call it by society and the bazillion social rules we are supposed to follow. Society has made so many things that involve sex socially unacceptable and evil.
Luckily our subconscious mind does not play by society rules that are imposed on us. This frees our mind to fantasize about anything that turns us on even the slightest. Many times, our inner minds crave tasting the proverbial forbidden fruit, and doing things society thinks we should not do.
So, even though our sexual mind tells society to take a hike, our socially acceptable mind gets in the way and passes self-judgment on our sexual thoughts and makes us fear bringing up any sex fantasy that is not 100% socially acceptable.
Many people don’t bring up sex fantasies with their partner simply because they feel that their partner may think they are abnormal. So, the fear brings on guilt and fear of sharing sexual fantasies. They actually feel like they deserve to be judged. This self-judgment can lead to an unfulfilled sex life.
What many people don’t realize is that we all have the right to sexual fantasies regardless of what others may think about them. Everyone deserves the freedom to explore and learn about what turns them on.
If your partner is on the conservative side or has a tendency to condemn others who do not fit their mold, it may be best to start with sharing very mild sex fantasies at first. Then over time, share more and more wild fantasies.
Just always keep in mind that opening up about your sex fantasies to your partner can be an extremely scary experience. But it can also turn out to be one of the most fulfilling and productive ones.
Sex Fantasies Come in Many Categories and Levels From Mild to Extreme
Sex fantasies come in many levels of intensity. You can have very mild sex fantasies that are easy to share while having some extreme sex fantasies that are extremely difficult to share with your partner. Let’s break down the different categories that your sex fantasies could fall in. Each category could have sex fantasies with levels from mild to extreme. They are your sex fantasies. So, only you can determine the level and category you assign to each.
Want to Do: This category holds all of your sex fantasies that you actually want to do in real life.
Curious: This sex fantasy category could fill up fast. Most people have multiple sex fantasies that they are curious about exploring but not necessarily bringing to life currently.
Curious but Scared: Do you have any sex fantasies that you are curious about but are scared to try in real life? This will be another category that could hold a lot of sex fantasies.
Watch Only: You may find that you have some sex fantasies that you enjoy watching. But, have no desire to actually act out. Place them in this category.
Fantasize in Head Only: You may find that you have some sex fantasies that you love to daydream about. They really turn you on, but you are not interested in actually doing them. Or they are sex fantasies that would be extremely difficult if not impossible to bring to life.
Fine With but No Interest: You may find that your partner has a fantasy that you have no interest in. But you don’t have a problem with them exploring it. Place those fantasies in this category.
Never: Place any sex fantasies that you would never do in this category.
What if Your Partner Rejects or Freaks out About Your Sex Fantasy?
When sharing your sex fantasies with your partner, you need to be prepared for both positive and negative responses from them. Remember, this is your fantasy, not necessarily theirs.
Another thing to keep in mind is that your partner may react negatively about your sex fantasy and then at a later date react positively. Desires do change over time. Your fantasy may not be something your partner is interested in currently. But, as desires change, may be interested in the future.
If your sex fantasy is outside your partner’s comfort zone, or if you just sprung it on them, they may need time to process mentally what you shared about your sex fantasy with them. Give them the time to think it through and be patient with them.
If your partner does react negatively about your sex fantasy, ask them what it is that actually turns them off about it. Or why they reacted in the manner they did. Keep in mind that this is a discussion. Let them talk and don’t push them. If the time does not feel right, wait a few days before asking them.
If it turns out that certain specifics are the problem your partner has, talk about how the sex fantasy could be modified to sit with them better. Be open to compromise.
If they act extremely disgusted or get mad, don’t get defensive with them. Give them a little time to settle down and then ask them if they could tell you exactly why they reacted the way they did. It could be something bad from their past that the sex fantasy triggered.
If your partner is just not into your fantasy, let them know it’s all right. Let them know that they most likely have fantasies that you would not like and that’s OK.
If your partner does not want to act out an important sex fantasy you have, maybe they can help in other ways. It could be simply talking about the fantasy. If you are in a strong open relationship, maybe you can act it out with someone else.
How to Test the Waters Before Bringing up Sex Fantasies
So, you are ready to bring up a sex fantasy to your partner but are afraid of how they will react. Your best bet is to test the waters before bringing it up. You want to see how they respond to the subject before you tell them that it’s a fantasy of yours. Here are several ways that you can do just that. Use them like icebreakers for conversation.
Ask your partner what turns them on sexually. As they bring things up, you can move the conversation to asking them questions related to the fantasy you want to bring up. Maybe find a list of turn-ons on the Internet and go down the list and read them off. Have your partner let you know if it turns them on or not.
Find an article that mentions your sex fantasy. Then mention to your partner that you read an article the other day that intrigued you. Tell them a little about it and see how they respond. If they respond positive or neutral, show them the article. This could spark a conversation where you could bring up your sex fantasy.
You could also mention your sex fantasy in the context that you had a wild dream or daydream. See how they react and take it from there.
You can also ask your sex partner what things they would never try or feel too embarrassed to do. Share back and forth. Then slowly move the conversation to asking your partner what they would like to try sexually.
If the two of you have been sharing sex fantasies with each other, you could always let them know that you want to tell them a sex fantasy you have that you are not sure how they will respond. If they want to hear it, make sure they understand that they need to listen with an open mind and not judge you. Also let them know it’s perfectly fine with you if they don’t want to participate in your sex fantasy.
Ask what types of erotica or romance your partner likes to read. This can give you a something to talk about and broach the subject of one of your sex fantasies you would like to bring up.
Use Sex Games to Bring up Sexual Fantasies
There are a ton of sex games for couples and groups. Take some time and really see what is available and read up on them. Sex games are a great way to bring up sex fantasies.
The better sex games for bringing up sex fantasies would be the card games that get everyone talking about sex. If your sex fantasy is mild, a simple truth or dare sex game may work to get you and your partner talking about it. If your sex fantasy is more on the wild side, look for card games that venture into BDSM or the fantasy realm.
You could even make your own sex game. One idea is to sit down and write out cards that each contain a different sex fantasy. Find a list on the Internet of sex fantasies and write out one card for each of the fantasies on the list. Create cards for even the sex fantasies you don’t like. Also make sure your sex fantasies are written down on cards.
Now, shuffle the cards and take turns drawing a card. Read it out loud and both of you talk a little about the fantasy. You may just discover sex fantasies you both are curious about that you did not know.
Take a Trip Together to a Sex Shop or Porn Store
Take a trip to a sex shop or porn store with your partner. Walk up and down each isle and take your time looking at all the products and videos. See what piques you and your partner’s curiosity.
See something that pertains to a sex fantasy you want to bring up? Now would be the time to show your partner what you just found and see what their reaction would be.
If it’s a reaction of curiosity, that should make it a little easier to bring up your sex fantasy in a conversation. If their reaction is bad, just put the item back on the shelf and save bringing up that sex fantasy for another day.
Also, take the time to learn what your partner is attracted to in the sex shop or porn store. You could learn a lot about their sexual desires.
Try Watching Porn Videos Together
Have a particular sex fantasy you want too possibly bring up? Find a porn video that contains a scene of your sex fantasy or is extremely close. Watch the porn video with your partner and notice how they react when the scene plays.
If they seem interested or at least not repulsed, mention how the scene sexually interested you. That could open up discussion about your sex fantasy. You could also learn what sexually excites or turns on your sex partner that you did not already know.
Thoughts About Discussing Sex Fantasies With Your Partner
Satisfying the sexual desires of your partner can be very rewarding. Working together to explore each other’s deepest sexual desires can help to make a strong relationship even stronger.
Yes, it will most likely be very scary when first divulging some of your deepest kinks to your partner. But it can be very rewarding if done slowly and carefully.
Maybe, get a list of sexual kinks and fantasies and explore each one together. Decide together if each one should be explored in the mind only or brought to life together.
One final thought. Remember, there is always room for compromise between you and your sex partner. Especially when it comes to sex fantasies.