So, the two of you have thought about swinging and may have even fantasized about it. You both want to give the swinger lifestyle a try and are ready to jump into the lifestyle headfirst. Let’s backup just a bit before you take that exciting leap. There are many things the two of you really need to consider before actually swinging.
In this article, I’ll go over the most important considerations the two of you need to talk about long before you actually have your first swinging experience. The swinger lifestyle can be very exciting and sexually satisfying as long as you know and are prepared for the adventure the two of you are about to take.
Let’s now move on and take a look at some of the most important things you need to consider before actually swinging.
Is Your Relationship Strong Enough for Swinging?
This is an extremely important question for both of you to answer honestly. Swinging can enhance an already strong relationship. But can destroy a relationship that has problems before swinging is added into the relationship.
Many couples that are having problems with their existing relationship think swinging could fix those problems. They soon find out that they made their rocky relationship much worse.
Swinging should be approached as something that can expand a relationship and add to its enjoyment. It’s a recreational activity that can bring a lot of sexual fun that the two of you can share. But it can also bring out extreme jealousy and envy that can destroy a relationship or cause trust issues to surface.
I’ll talk about jealousy and envy in more detail shortly. For now, just be aware that if either of you are the jealous type or envy others, you will have to deal with these issues before swinging and possibly while swinging.
Are You Both on the Same Page About the Swinger Lifestyle?
Another thing that the two of you need to consider is if you are both on the same page concerning the swinger lifestyle. You don’t want to start swinging and discover that the two of you are not even close on what you expect and desire from swinging. This can lead to disastrous consequences.
Sit down and talk about what each of you expects to get out of swinging. Also talk out any concerns each of you have. You want to make sure your partner understands what your sexual desires are from swinging.
Do the two of you want to make friends with benefits? Or do you just want to swing occasionally with strangers? Do you only want to swing in the same room? Or is it OK to go to separate rooms to swing?
Lay everything out on the table and make sure the two of you are on the same page as swinging is concerned. Do this before entering the swinger lifestyle.
Do You and Your Partner’s Swinging Wants and Desires Mesh?
We mentioned talking to each other about your desires. Now you need to determine if your wants and desires from swinging will mesh with each other. Many times, one partner desires one thing out of swinging, and the other partner desires something completely different. You need to make sure you can blend these different desires before you swing. If you don’t, you could really have problems.
Let me give you an example of desires that don’t mesh well. One partner wants to play alone with other couples and the other partner only wants to play together. We have two very different desires here. Could you come up with a way to make you both happy and still fulfill each other’s desires? I know how I would mesh these desires, but I am not going to give my opinion here since we are all different. What works for us, may not work for you.
What I can tell you is that the longer you swing, the easier it is to mesh your wants and desires and make each of you happy. Even when they are completely different at times. You just need to make sure that when you start off swinging, the two of you lean towards fulfilling wants and desires that do easily mesh together. When the two of you are comfortable with the swinging lifestyle, you can start exploring each other’s desires, even if they go against yours.
Do You Have a Plan to Deal With Any Unexpected Jealousy While Swinging?
Especially with first time and new swingers, unexpected jealousy can rear its ugly head. Neither of you may be the jealous type and it still unexpectedly pops up. You need to plan for it possibly happening regardless of how secure you are in your relationship.
Sit down and talk about and decide how you want to handle one of you getting jealous while swinging. You want swinging to expand your relationship, not destroy it. If it’s a mild jealousy, just showing a little sexual attention to your partner may calm the jealousy down. If it’s more than a little jealousy, it may be better to call it a night and discuss it over the next few days.
Always try to find the root cause of the unexpected jealousy and go from there. You can even read articles together about jealousy and possibly even see a therapist to help find the root cause if needed.
Most of the time, jealousy is an expression of possibly losing your partner to someone else or it’s an expression that one partner owns the other one. In the latter case, you should seek professional help as that type of jealousy can destroy a relationship fast.
Can Both of You Deal With Envy While Swinging?
Many people confuse envy with jealousy. They are two different emotions. Envy is when you have a feeling that upsets you because you feel someone can do something better than you or has something you want.
An example of envy you may run across while swinging is when one of you feels that someone else can sexually satisfy your partner better than you. While swinging, you may see your partner really enjoying sex and start getting envious of the person sexually pleasing them.
The two of you need to make sure you understand envy and can handle it. Many times, it’s just a matter of watching and learning what your partner is really enjoying and then see if you can provide them with the same experience.
Envy is a lot easier to deal with than jealousy. Make sure the two of you can distinguish between the two and recognize them.
Can Both of You Deal With Feeling Left out From Time to Time When Swinging?
The emotion of feeling left out is an emotion most of us never even think about before swinging. But most of us feel this unexpected emotion while swinging from time to time. It’s the feeling of seeing your partner get a lot of attention and you feeling that you are basically being ignored or are just a third wheel.
If one of you ever feels left out while swinging, it’s normal and very easy to make sure your partner does not feel this emotion. Just make sure you include them in conversations with others and especially when having sex with others.
When first starting to swing, many people get caught up in the thrill of the experience and can cause their partners to feel left out. If you are the one feeling left out, sometimes it’s easier to just watch your partner having fun and enjoying the experience they are having. Then, at a later date, let them know how you felt and talk it out.
Have You Discussed and Agreed on Protection While Swinging?
The type of protection I am talking about is protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. The two of you need to have a very serious talk about the use of condoms, dental dams, etc.
You will find some swingers that always require the use of condoms, while others never use them. You will also find many couples that use them with some and not with others. The two of you will need to determine if and when any form of protection will be used.
I do highly recommend that you always carry condoms with you just in case an unexpected swinging situation happens. Basically, always be prepared to have fun. You never know when you will meet someone that you really like and are sexually attracted to.
What if an Unplanned Pregnancy Happens From Swinging?
Even when you take all types of precautions to prevent a pregnancy, things can happen. You both need to have a very serious talk about what you would do if an unplanned pregnancy happened. Especially from someone you really don’t know and only swing with.
This is an extremely personal matter and I’ll refrain from giving my views on the subject. Just sit down and talk about it. You could be using condoms and have one slip or fail. You need to be aware of what can happen and how you would handle it.
