So, You Want to Have a Threesome: What You Really Need to Know First

So, you want to have a threesome. Or maybe you have just heard about them and are curious. Here is what you really need to know about sex threesomes before you plan one.

I’ve also included links to other articles with more information about threesomes, and some articles that have additional information that can help you in learning, planning, finding a third, and having your first few threesomes.

What Is a Sex Threesome?

I’m pretty sure almost everyone reading this article knows exactly what a threesome is. But, just in case, let me give you a very brief description of sex threesomes.

A threesome when used concerning sex is simply the act of three people having sex as a group. The most common threesomes are two males having sex with one female, or two females having sex with one male.

Sex threesomes come in many different varieties besides the two versions I just mentioned. I’ll cover the different types of threesomes throughout this article.

Why Have a Threesome?

Oh, could this list go on and on. But I’ll just mention some of the most popular reasons to have a threesome. Here they are in no particular order of fun.

One person can be the center of sexual attention of two others.

If you are bisexual or bi-curious, a threesome can give you the opportunity to explore bisexual sex.

A threesome can add a lot of excitement to sex compared to one-on-one sex.

A threesome can add a feeling and mystery of taboo. You are doing something that society thinks is wrong.

Threesomes give you the opportunity to cut loose and let your naughty side out.

You can explore new sexual likes, desires and curiosities through threesomes.

Threesomes can give you the opportunity to learn about and explore different kinks.

Threesomes can be just plain fun and exciting. I could go on for days. But I’ll stop here so I don’t bore you.

Who Could You Have a Threesome With?

Let me start off by saying that willing males are a lot easier to find for a threesome than females. Females are much more difficult to find, but not impossible. You just have to know where to look for them.

Here are several ideas of who you could have a threesome with.

You could pick up a stranger in a bar. This one fits the hotwife lifestyle better, but still works well for threesomes.

You could put up a profile on a swingers site saying what you are looking for. If you are looking for males, be prepared to be bombarded with willing participants.

You could go to a swingers club and get to know other swingers. If you can’t find someone for a third, you can always meet other couples that could be interested in group sex though.

If you are looking for a female, the best place to look would be in your wife’s or girlfriend’s circle of friends. They already know each other well and may be open to some sexual experimentation.

If you are looking for a male, you can look at your husband’s or boyfriend’s circle of friends. You can usually find a willing participant fairly quickly.

Most Popular Threesome Terms and Types of Threesomes

Since you are interested in threesomes, it’s best to know the meaning of several terms and abbreviations used concerning sex threesomes. Here are the most popular ones you will come across. I’ll also describe the different types of threesomes that are common in the swinger lifestyle.

MFM – This is the abbreviation of a threesome that is between two males and one female. The males only play with the female, and not each other.

FMF – This is the abbreviation of a threesome that is between two females and one male. The females only play with the male, and not each other.

MMF – This is the abbreviation of a threesome that is between two males and one female. The males play with the female, and each other.

FFM – This is the abbreviation of a threesome that is between two females and one male. The females play with the male, and each other.

DP – DP is the abbreviation for double penetration. This usually refers to when one male has vaginal sex with the female while another male has anal sex with the female. It can also refer to in the context of a threesome where two males, two females with strap-ons, or one male and one female with a strap-on, have vaginal and anal sex with the female, or both have vaginal or anal sex with the female at the same time.

Heteroflexible – Heteroflexible is a term that refers to someone that normally has sex with the opposite sex but is open at times to having sex with someone of the same sex. In short, it refers to, if it feels good, do it type of thinking.

Voyeur / Exhibitionism – These terms refer to watching others have sex or being watched having sex. It’s popular in threesomes for one of the participants to watch the other two for a period of time during the threesome.

Every Threesome Is Going to Be Different

Every person the two of you have a threesome with will bring a slightly different sexual dynamic to the mix. You’ll quickly discover that everyone has and enjoys sex just a little bit differently. This is one of the many benefits of having threesomes.

The different types of sex threesomes also introduce differences. For example, a threesome where two guys are having sex with one female is going to be a lot different than a threesome where two girls are having sex with one guy. Then you have the threesomes were two of the participants are the same sex but bisexual or bi-curious. This tosses a completely different sex dynamic into the mix.

The bottom line is, you need to be aware that each threesome you have with different people is going to be a little different. It’s not going to be the same as other threesomes you have had in the past. Some threesome’s differences will be extremely enjoyable while others may leave a little or a lot to be desired. Some will be very enjoyable, and some may be threesomes you just want to forget. So, don’t expect each threesome to be the same or what you fantasize about as the ultimate perfect threesome.

Don’t Get Stuck in a Threesome Rut

Sex can be fun and exciting. But, having sex the same way night after night, month after month can lead to sex actually being boring. It takes change to keep sex exciting.

Just like one-on-one sex, threesome sex can lead to getting stuck in a rut if it becomes the same old same old. You need to constantly mix things up. Changing things even a little can lead to having exciting sex again.

While having threesomes, try new things. Experiment sexually. Explore new kinks. Keep an open mind and try things that you may be a little scared of. You may find once you get over your apprehension, you enjoy it. Also, if you don’t like it, don’t do it again. Try something new.

Having threesomes with different people also helps you from getting in a sexual rut.

Threesomes Are Sometimes About Compromise

Not everyone likes and dislikes the same thing. This can be especially true when you have three people involved. One person may really enjoy something you don’t particularly care for, while you really enjoy something one of the other two does not care for.

Sometimes, you may need to compromise a little to get what you want, and to make sure all involved have an enjoyable time. Don’t be afraid to compromise just a little to get more sexual satisfaction for yourself and the other two.

Now, don’t be afraid to not compromise if the compromise would make the threesome not enjoyable for you personally. Sometimes three people’s wants and desires are just too far apart. When that happens, it’s usually best to just not have the threesome.

Make Sure to Discuss Everyone’s Likes, Dislikes, Boundaries, and Limits

When you meet someone that you will be having a threesome with for the first time, you need to talk about a few things before climbing in bed. All three of you need to discuss what you like and dislike. You also need to discuss each other’s boundaries and limits.

This is probably the most important thing that needs to be done before the sex begins. If you find that if even one of you can’t work and respect everyone’s boundaries and limits, the threesome should not happen.

Let me give you some examples of possible problems you could run into if you skip this step.

Let’s say you do not like anal sex, and you refuse to have it. Now, let’s say the new person is used to having anal sex all the time, and tries to penetrate you anally without even asking.

Let’s say there are two males in the threesome. One straight and one bisexual. What happens if the bisexual male starts to have oral sex with the straight male and he does not notice immediately?

Let me give you one last example. What if you are not into domination or pain and the new person is used to being a very dominate lover? What if they think that the threesome should incorporate BDSM?

All of the above scenarios could have been avoided if all three of you had discussed your likes, dislikes, boundaries and limits first. So don’t skip this step of the threesome process.

Don’t Expect Anyone to Be a Mind Reader

The third person you add to your threesome will most likely not know you sexually as well as your partner. Don’t expect them to know what you like and dislike. Good communication with the third is very important. Don’t expect them to be able to read your mind.

If you like or dislike something in particular, you could talk to them about it before the threesome even starts. If they do something you don’t like during the threesome, speak up and let them know. If they are doing something you normally like but are just not doing it the way you enjoy it, let them know what they can modify so you can enjoy what they are doing.

If something feels good, say so. If something feels bad, say so. This should go for all three involved in the threesome.

Realize That Your First Threesome May Be Awkward

Even after sitting down and discussing each other’s desires, limits, and boundaries, a threesome with someone new can be a little awkward. Until the three of you really get to know each other sexually, expect a little awkwardness or even a lot of awkwardness.

What position should I be in? Can I brace myself on the other person’s shoulder without them having problems? If you have two straight people in the threesome, how close can they get to each other without causing issues? What if the female wants to DP? Can the two guys deal with their swords or balls touching each other? Lots of things can make a first encounter awkward. Just expect it.

The awkwardness can actually be part of the excitement. You are doing something new for the first time with someone. Even if things go to the extreme, the three of you can always look back at your first time and laugh a little together.

Make Sure Nobody Feels Like a Third Wheel

Many times, especially with a new threesome, one of the three has a tendency to feel left out. It’s actually very common for two of the people in the threesome to be going at it with each other hot and heavy, and not realizing the third person is being left out of all the fun. Don’t get upset when this happens. Just do your best to correct the situation.

Keep an eye out, and if you notice one person not really knowing what to do, suggest something to them, or change positions so it’s more suitable for three people playing.

This can happen especially with two bi females and one male. It can also happen with two straight males having sex with one female. Just be aware of this problem that can pop up and make sure nobody is feeling like a third wheel.

Now, sometimes, just watching can be very exciting. Two of you could be having sex, while the other watches. Then switch partners and let the other one watch. Just make sure all three of you are included in the threesome action in some form.

If you have two bisexual females and one straight male, you could start off with the two females having fun while the male watches. Then, after a period of time, he joins in. Or both females turn their attention to the guy and wear him out.

Straight Males and Raging Testosterone Issues

We all need to face the facts. Some males, luckily not all, are extremely homophobic. When you combine extreme homophobia with high testosterone, it can be a recipe for disaster in threesomes containing two males.

During a two guy one female threesome, there usually will be some form of bodily contact between the two males. With an extremely homophobic male, even a light touch or bump of the shoulders could lead to a fight. It’s sad, but true.

If one of the males in a threesome is extremely homophobic, it’s best not to even have a threesome. Unless it’s more in the style of the girl pulling a train. One guy having sex with her, and then the next. But this is not really a threesome.

Many males are straight but are not homophobic. They understand that some male-to-male contact will happen and are fine with it. You will find all types of males. Some will be straight, or bisexuals. Or, somewhere in the middle. You will also find males that are heteroflexible. If it feels good in the moment, go with it.

The bottom line is there are plenty of males that are not homophobic. So, just pass by the ones that are when setting up your threesomes that involve two males.

This is especially important if the female likes double penetration. You don’t want a homophobic guy crossing swords with another guy. It most likely will not end well.

Watch out for Jealousy and Envy During a Threesome

Even if you feel everyone involved in the threesome is 100% open-minded, jealousy and envy can rear their ugly heads at any given time. You need to be prepared for one of you getting jealous or getting envious during the threesome.

Here are some common examples that could cause problems in the jealousy or envy department.

You see your partner having sex with the third person and they appear to be having much more enjoyment with the third than they do with you. This is very common. What you need to keep in mind is that newness can be exciting. Remember back to when you first had sex with someone. Remember that exciting feeling you had?

You may feel that the third person is better at something than you and feel envious of them. Just remember, they may have more experience than you. Or you could take the time to learn from them how they are doing something.

Here is a big one with guys. One guy may have a much larger penis than the other. Keep in mind, that the majority of women like variety. That includes a variety of penises. Each size has its benefits to a woman. Plus, what’s wrong with seeing your partner enjoy something different like a larger penis?

Introduce Sex Toys Into a Threesome for Excitement

Want to add a little excitement to a threesome? Don’t be afraid to add some sex toys into the mix. Having a variety of sex toys available allows for easy experimentation.

There are tons of sex toys for women and men available. Sit down with your partner and browse an online sex toy store and pick out several that intrigue you.

They also make sex toys that add pleasure to both the female and male at the same time. If your threesome includes two bisexual females, don’t forget to buy a double dong for double your pleasure.

Don’t forget to look at possibly adding in bondage gear, blindfolds, sex furniture, flogs, and possibly some BDSM sex toys. Threesomes can be a great time for experimentation.

Sex toys also come in handy for those longer threesome sex sessions that include lots of oral sex or long penile vaginal sex. Sometimes you need a break to recover a bit regain your stamina. Using the sex toys can keep the action going while others are recovering.

Don’t Forget to Protect the Bed or Furniture

Lots of people don’t even think about how much bodily fluids are produced by three people having sex. Let’s not even mention how much lube may be used. It’s usually best to protect the bed or furniture from all of these fluids.

Here is what we do. We lay waterproof bed pads on the bed. Then we put a fitted sheet over them. This way, when the threesome ends and it’s time to go to sleep, all you have to do is pull off the fitted sheet and the pads and toss them aside to be washed. Climb into bed like normal and dream about the threesome you just had. Using this method also keeps your good sheets and bedding from being stained by bodily fluids and sex lubes.

How to Get the Threesome Sex Going

Moving from the three of you talking to all being naked and having sex, can be very awkward, or even terrifying the first few times you have a threesome. This is actually fairly normal for first time threesome explorers.

Here are some ways that you could use to get the actual threesome sex going. After reading these, I’m sure you will come up with even more ways.

Play a game of strip poker. When you have lost all your clothes, you can bet sexual favors.

Play a game designed to be an ice breaker for swingers.

If you are having a two male one female threesome, here is a simple way to get the sex going. The female should take off her heels and start rubbing them like they are a little sore. Her male partner should offer to rub her feet and get in a good position to rub just one of her feet.

After a minute, he can suggest that the other guy rubs the other foot. Now, your partner should slowly start rubbing your calf, and then thigh. Especially the inner thigh. Just keep working up the legs until you are both playing with her pussy. She can then suggest that they take it to the bedroom for more comfort.

If you are brave enough, simply reach over and start playing with the third through their clothes. This usually starts things in the right direction fast.

Here is an idea to get the sex going in a two female one male threesome. Both of you should offer to give the other female a massage. It can start off with her fully clothed and as she relaxes, you could start removing her clothes and continue the massage. Slowly move a regular massage into an erotic massage.

Expect the Unexpected During a Threesome

While you venture into threesomes, you will quickly come to the conclusion to expect the unexpected.

You’ll discover new sensations, and sexual techniques you were not even aware that you would enjoy. You’ll constantly be discovering something new, since everyone has, and approaches sex a little different.

If you keep the sex adventurous, you’ll also discover new kinks you really enjoy. Just take the time to try them out with an open mind. If you don’t like one, don’t try it again.

Threesomes can be about discovery. Go in with your eyes wide open and discover what threesomes can truly offer to your sex life.

What if the Threesome Feels Wrong?

We have talked about how enjoyable a threesome can be. But what if you are having a threesome with someone and it just feels wrong?

The first thing I would look at is it feeling wrong because of what society has brought you up to believe that sex is just between one man and one woman? No matter how bad you want a threesome and fantasize about having one, this feeling that society has embedded in your brain can rise unexpectedly.

Does the threesome feel completely wrong or not safe? If you don’t feel safe, I would highly recommend that you just stop the threesome right then. The three of you could go your separate ways or the three of you could sit down and talk about the feelings you are having.

Before you actually agree and start having a threesome, make it clear to all involved that any of you can stop for any reason.

How to Bring up the Idea of a Threesome to Your Partner

Depending on your relationship and how open-minded your partner is, bringing up the idea of a threesome could be extremely easy or like walking on eggshells through a bomb field.

Since this topic is a lengthy one, I’m going to refer you to the following articles that can help you to bring up the idea of having a threesome with your partner.