Swinger Lifestyle Q&A Page 1: User Submitted Swinger Lifestyle Questions Answered

Do the clubs you talk about in the magazine actually exist? And how can I find them in my town?

Yes, they actually exist. Swingers clubs can be found in almost every major metropolitan area in the US, UK, Australia, and other countries. Do a search on your favorite search engine on “swinger lifestyle clubs in ‘your city or location'” If you can’t find any, try to search for clubs in other areas near you. If you just can’t find any clubs by searching, let us know your area and we will do our best to find clubs in your area and post them in a future issue of the newsletter.

Can a married woman swing on her own without her husband?

If you are talking about ethical non-monogamy, and not cheating, then yes, single married women are accepted into the lifestyle. I would make sure that you don’t hide the fact that you are married from other swingers though. If your husband is encouraging you to play with other men, and not just going along with your wishes, than you would be considered a hotwife. Read up on what a hotwife is in our magazine. They are very popular in the lifestyle.

We are thinking about going to a swingers club for the first time. But what if you don’t want to have sex with someone?

I believe you have not investigated the swinger lifestyle as fully as you should before venturing into it. Being swingers is not having sex with anyone that wants to have sex with you. You can always tell someone no thank you. It’s up to you to decide who you want to have sex with. It’s also up to the other couple or single if they want to have sex with you. Swinging is about consensual sex with others.

It’s not like everyone just gets naked and walks around having sex with anyone they want. Even though, with the right crowd, and consent from all the participants, that could be a fun evening.

Bottom line, you choose who you want to have sex with and who you don’t. Many first-time swingers only watch and observe their first several visits to a swingers club before they start actually playing with others.

What do swinger couples look for when looking for single men?

I’m going to just lay it out for you. Single men in the lifestyle are a dime a dozen. You need to stand out from the typical single male want-to-be swinger. Most couples look for single guys that are nice, not overly aggressive, have a good personality, have a good sense of humor and can carry a conversation. Basically the same things a single woman looks for when dating single guys.

Hygiene is another thing swingers look for in a single guy. They look for well-groomed guys that are clean and smell fresh. If you use cologne, go very easy on it. Many women are allergic to colognes and it can be a turn off to them. Now, I’ll be brutally honest. It does not hurt to be fairly in shape and be pleasant to look at. Dressing nice can also help you stand out from the crowd of single guys.

What’s the best way to reply to someone online if you are not interested in swinging with them?

Swingers reply in many different ways. Many don’t even reply at all. But, you asked for the best way. So, you are going to get my personal opinion since I really can’t answer for others. So here it is.

Send them a reply similar to; We took a look at your profile and don’t feel you are a good match for us. But, I’m sure you will be a great match for many swingers. We wish you the best in your search for swingers you will have a great fit with.

Then, leave it at that. If they start asking particulars, just let them know it was nothing particular. If they press the issue, ignore them or block them.

Now, you will get a lot of rude, crude and desperate messages online. These I would just ignore and block if they are really bad. Personally if someone starts off with dick pics, it’s an instant block.

My husband feels like a third wheel when we swing. Any suggestions?

One thing I need to mention first is that he will need to accept the fact that the women in swinging get more attention than the guys. It’s normal and to be expected. Now that I have that out of the way, here are some things you can do to make him feel less like a third wheel.

Make sure you pay attention to him when swinging and not accidentally ignore him. Even something as small as smiling at him can help. If all the attention is on you, even a hand reaching out for his can help. You can also always start and finish with him. Get him actively involved in conversations with swinger couples and singles. At the end of each night swinging, find out what he enjoyed and what he did not.

I’m a single guy and nobody pays me any attention when I go to swingers clubs. Is this how single guys are treated normally?

It depends. I’ll try to answer your question by asking a few questions. Do you smile at couples when they pass you? Do you walk up and say hi to couples and introduce yourself? Do you sit at the bar all night looking at your phone? Do you dress nicely and smell good? Do you act or look desperate?

Swinging is a lot like dating. You look for people that are nice, friendly, not overly aggressive, and generally fun to be around. Look at your behavior while in a swingers club and ask yourself the following question. Would you approach yourself or be happy if someone acting like you approached you?

My husband and I have been talking about swinging. But I have reservations, and I’m very shy when it comes to meeting new people. Help?

This is a tough one. First, you need to make sure you and your husband are on the same page. Talk about swinging in great detail with each other. Particularly what each of you expect to get out of swinging. Now, about the shyness. It’s normal, we all get shy from time to time. Especially when stepping outside our comfort zone. We have several articles that go over shyness that could help you. Just visit our magazine and do a search on the word shy. I wish the two of you the best with your new adventure.

What’s the difference between a FMF and a FFM?

The clue to the difference is the order of the letters. An FMF threesome is when two women have sex with one man as the center of attention. An FFM is where two women play with each other and the man. Basically, an FFM is two bisexual women and one man. An FMF is two women and one man. It used to mean that both women where straight, but the lines have blurred. Many FMF threesomes turn into FFM threesomes.

I fantasize about watching my wife have sex with other guys. But I am scared that I may have a problem with it afterwards.

It’s normal to not really know how you will feel the first time you watch your wife having sex with another man. You could take it in small steps. Start out with watching her just slow dance with another man. If that felt OK, watch her sexually flirting with other guys. Maybe even kissing one of them. If you still feel OK, maybe have a soft swing threesome. Stick to just fondling and oral sex. If that goes well, if it feels right, watch her have full on sex with another guy.

Always keep in mind that the two of you need to communicate very well with each other when swinging, hotwifing, or any other form of sexual play with others. It’s important that your relationship is strong and both of you know the difference between recreational sex and love.

How do you find swinger meet and greets? We can’t seem to find any.

The best place we have found to find swinger meet and greets is through online swingers members only sites. Most of them list upcoming meet and greets by location. You can also check with any local swingers clubs to see if they hold meet and greets on occasion. The two best online swinger sites we have found that list meet and greets are SDC and SLS. Check them out and see if they have what you are looking for.

We just started swinging and another guy came inside my wife, and it pissed me off! Why would someone do that?

The first thing I would love to ask you is… Did you and your wife talk to him about where he was allowed to cum? If you didn’t, how was he supposed to know that you did not want him to cum in your wife? If you did talk about it before sex and he did it anyway, it would be time for him to leave and never play with the two of you again.

Always talk about what is important to you and your wife with other sex participants before the sex happens. Make sure you explain your rules and limits to them and that they understand them. Also, make sure they tell you their rules and limits and make sure you understand them fully.

Something like this, could have been easily prevented by open communication. If he did understand your rules, and did it anyway, I would send him packing and never invite him to play again.

I want to surprise my wife with a trip to a swingers club for her birthday. What should I bring with us?

To be honest, the first thing that popped in my mind is that you should bring a good divorce lawyer. What I don’t know from your question is if your wife is a swinger. Or has talked about wanting to go to a swinger club before. If that’s the case, you can leave the divorce lawyer at home.

Now, as consenting adults, I would bring, legal identification, condoms, drinks if the club is BYOB, an open mind, and no expectations. Just go and have fun. You can also check out the club’s website and see if they recommend you bringing anything.

Are all single guys in the swinger lifestyle overly aggressive idiots?

Luckily, there are plenty of great single guys in the lifestyle. Not all are like you described. I will admit that there are a lot of single guys that don’t really have a clue as to what the lifestyle is about. They only see it as a meat market. Luckily the overly aggressive guys tend to get weeded out of the lifestyle fairly quickly. They do tend to stick out more than the good single guys even though they are actually fewer in number.

So, don’t give up on single guys in the lifestyle because of the bad apples. You will quickly learn from other swingers which guys are worth getting to know and which ones to not even give the time of day.

To answer your question, no, they are not all overly aggressive idiots.

My wife acts completely different when having sex with anyone other than me. I’m not sure I like that. Help.

I actually hear this a lot. It’s usually completely normal. She is most likely making love to you and having just raw sex with others. Her intentions are to make love to you and just have down and dirty sex to get off with others that she does not love like she loves you.

You also have to keep in mind that everyone you or her have sex with, has sex a little different. We, as humans, tend to adapt to other people’s sexual preferences to a point. Are the other guys taller, shorter, stronger, weaker than you? Is there a difference in penis size and shape? All of these things can and usually do lead to having sex differently.

Also keep in mind your wife could be faking it when she has sex with others. AKA putting on a show for the guy and possibly you.

If it bothers you, sit down and talk with your wife. Maybe the two of you could experiment with having sex the way she does with others. The two of you could discover something totally new you both sexually love. Communication is the key.