If the two of you have been thinking about trying the swinger lifestyle, there are several things that the two of you should know.
Let’s answer the question; What do first time swingers need to know?
First time swingers need to be fully aware of what the two of them will be possibly getting into. They both need to be aware that jealousy can pop up while exploring sex with other people besides your partner. They also need to be aware that swinging is not just about sex.
Let’s move on and really explore what first time swingers should know before they physically start exploring the swinger lifestyle.
What First Time Swingers Need to Know
Here are the main points that first-time swingers need to be aware of and look at closely before jumping in bed with other couples or singles. Here are the main points the two of you need to know as first time swingers.
First Time Swingers Being Nervous Is Normal
The first time a couple goes to a swingers club or party, or just meets another couple for dinner, being nervous is completely normal.
The two of you are venturing into a lifestyle that is most likely very foreign to you. Remember the nervousness you had when you go on a first date with someone? Well, take that nervousness and 10-fold it.
Swinging may feel taboo to one or both of you and it may even feel like you are cheating on your partner.
As you explore the swinger lifestyle, this nervousness will subside over time. It’s completely normal and most new swingers experience it to different degrees.
The best thing to do is take it slow and go into swinging with the idea that the two of you are on this new adventure together. Have fun with it and help each other get through that jittery phase one or both of you may encounter.
First Time Swingers Should Research the Types of Swinging
Before the two of you actually attend a swingers event or meet with other swingers, you need to decide what types of swinging interest both of you.
Take the time and explore the different types of swinging and swingers. Some swingers prefer to swap partners for sex. Others prefer group sex or threesomes. Some like to be watched while others like to watch.
If one of you is bisexual or bi-curious, you need to decide if that is something you want to explore with other swingers.
You also need to decide if you prefer to play with other couples or singles, or both. Are the two of you interested in orgies? Are the two of you interested in having sex with others in different rooms?
Take your time and explore all of the swinging types and swinging opportunities. Decide what interests you both.
First Time Swingers Need to Understand Each Other’s Expectations
Once the two of you decide that you do want to explore the swinger lifestyle, you need to make it very clear to each other what your expectations are.
Let your partner know exactly what you would like to get out of swinging and what your expectations are. Your partner should also let you know exactly what they want to get out of swinging and what their expectations are.
The key to approaching the swinger lifestyle is through open and honest communication. Make sure the two of you have talked about swinging in great detail.
If either of you have any concerns, these should be explored long before your first trip to a swingers club, party, or going out to dinner with another couple.
First Time Swingers Should Set Some Ground Rules
Before the two of you actually have your first swinger experience, you need to set a few basic ground rules.
Many first-time swingers skip this step or overdo it. Both extremes usually end up in disaster or prevent the two of you from actually enjoying the experience.
Some common first-time swinger rules are:
- We only have sex with others while in the same room. No separate room sex, or sex out of our partner’s view.
- For the first few times, we will only allow soft swing. We will allow oral sex with others but when it comes to penetration, that will only be allowed between the two of us.
- We both feel that kissing is something that is to intimate too share with others. So, we can have sex with others, but kissing is not allowed.
- If one of us freaks out and can’t handle the experience, we both shall leave and go home.
When setting ground rules, make them as minimal as possible. Setting to many rules will spoil the swinging experience or make other swingers not willing to play with the two of you.
Even if you set rules and both clearly understand them, in the heat of passion, a rule can be accidentally broken. If this happens, don’t freak out on your partner. Wait until the two of you are alone so you can discuss what happened and why it happened.
First Time Swingers Need to Know Other Couples May Have Boundaries
Just like the two of you have your own rules and boundaries, so do other couples. Before letting the flirting go to the point of having sex with the other couple or single, make sure you ask them about any rules or boundaries they have.
This is the time to share your rules with them as well. You don’t want to be having a sexual experience with them and unknowingly try to do something that would overstep their boundaries. It can quickly ruin a great time.
You don’t have to go in great detail about rules and boundaries. Just mention them during while you are getting to know them.
First Time Swingers Should Expect Some Jealousy
Even if neither of you are the jealous type, expect some jealousy to pop up the first few times you venture into the swinger lifestyle. Slight jealousy is completely normal and is expected as you learn more about each other’s sexuality.
Here are some examples of jealousy that can pop up from time to time:
- Your partner seems to be getting a lot more attention than you from others. This happens very frequently.
- One of you sees your partner enjoying sex with someone else and it looks like they are enjoying it with them more than they do with you. This is very normal. Just think back when you had sex with someone for the first time and how exciting it was.
- A stranger starts flirting with your partner and you feel a little jealous. Turn this around, the two of you are out to have sexual experiences you can share. Join in and flirt with your partner at the same time. Or flirt with the other person’s partner.
Whenever jealousy does happen, take it for what it is and ask yourself why you are jealous. Is the jealousy something serious? Or is it something you should just brush off and enjoy what is causing it. If your partner is enjoying what is going on, share in that enjoyment with them. Remember, the two of you are exploring something new together.
First Time Swingers Should Know They Don’t Have to Do Anything
One thing that new swingers need to understand 100% is that you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Do not let anyone pressure you into doing something that the two of you are not comfortable with at the present moment.
If another couple or single invites you to join them in a playroom or go to their place, you can always say no thank you if you don’t feel comfortable about it.
There is nothing wrong with saying no. Just be polite about it.
Another example would be that you are having a threesome with another guy, and he attempts to have anal sex with her. If she is not into anal sex, she has every right to tell him no and that she is not into it. A good swinger will fully understand your wishes and respect them.
So, never feel that you have to do something that you don’t want to do. Who knows? It may be something that you want to do or try down the road once you have more experience as swingers.
Always keep an open mind for new experiences but don’t ever be pushed into something you don’t want to do.
First Time Swingers Should Understand That No Means No
The swinger lifestyle has one golden rule. No means no! No exceptions. Never be afraid to tell someone no. If they continue, get away from them. If you are at a swingers club, tell someone that works there what is happening. Good swingers clubs will not allow that type of harassment and will deal with it.
Also, on the other hand, if someone tells you no, just drop it. Don’t even think about asking them why. They don’t owe you any response besides no.
When telling someone no, just be polite about it. A simple no thank you is polite and to the point.
If someone asks you to do something that could be acceptable to you if it was modified, by all means tell them that you could be interested if it was changed a little. Then explain what you are comfortable with.
If you are not sure about something, discuss it with them and explore possibilities before saying no. Remember the two of you are in the swinger lifestyle to explore new things.
First Time Swingers Should Know That Feelings of Shame or Guilt Can Happen
So, the two of you have had your first swinger sexual experience and one or both of you is feeling a little shame or guilt. You’re not alone. Many new swingers experience these feelings the first time or two they have sex with someone besides their partner.
It can be perfectly normal to have these feelings. What you need to work through is why you felt them.
Think back to how you were raised by your parents. Were you taught that sex was shameful or only something married couples do? Have you been ingrained with some parts of societies view on sex? If you attend church, have they impressed their views of sexuality on you?
Just sit back and explore why you have any feelings of shame or guilt. You will most likely discover they are not really your true feelings and only brought about by what you were taught at an early age.
If your partner has no problems with you having sex with someone besides them, why feel shame or guilt?
First Time Swingers Should Realize That Swinging May Not Be for Them
If, after exploring the swinger lifestyle, you find out that you can’t curb jealous feelings or the lifestyle is not what you expected, there is nothing wrong with deciding that swinging is not for the two of you.
If you do decide that that swinging is not your cup of tea, that is perfectly fine. At least the two of you did explore something new together. Just chalk it up as something you did as a team and found out it was not for the two of you.
You may decide to revisit the swinging lifestyle later in your relationship and fall in love with it then. Just keep open minds as you never know what life may bring the two of you.
First Time Swingers Should Always Go Home With Your Partner
This is a big one. When a night of swinging comes to a close, always go home with your partner. It’s very important that the two of you are in it together. You are a team, and you need to have full respect for each other.
When you head home together, use that time to talk about the night’s experiences. What did each of you like? What did you not like? Share your experiences openly with each other. That’s what teams do.
When a couple enters into the swinging lifestyle, it can bring them closer together when approached as a team. The two of you are in the swinger lifestyle to gain shared experiences.
So, unless there is a reason, make sure the two of you leave and go home together at the end of the night.
Swinging can bond the two of you closer together as long as you respect each other and want the best for each other.