Have you tried contacting swingers on swinger forums or lifestyle membership sites with little to no responses back? Are you making contacts that just immediately block you? When you private message other swingers are you just hearing crickets? If this sounds like you, you’re going to want to pay close attention to what we are about to discuss.
You can actually meet a lot of new swingers online if your initial contact is done correctly. The problem is that many people, especially single males do it all wrong. Read and actually implement what we will be discussing, and you will see that your response rate improves drastically.
Let’s start off with looking at your forum or swinger site member profile.
Your Swinger Forum or Swinger Site Member Profile
The first thing you need to do before even trying to make contact with new swingers is to make sure your forum or swinger site member profile is completely filled out. Many don’t take the time to fill them out, or just put a short sentence that really tells other swingers absolutely nothing about you.
The first thing to do when filling out your profile is to pretend you are on a dating site. What I mean by that is you need to tell people about you. What are your hobbies, what do you like to do for entertainment, where you like to eat, etc. You need to tell them enough about you, so they get to know you a little. Most swingers are looking for people that they would enjoy meeting and hanging out with.
Whatever you do, don’t start your profile talking about sex and how good you fuck. Guys don’t lead off talking about your dick and how every woman should worship it. In fact, leave your dick out of the profile completely. The profile should be about you, not a very small part of you.
Further down in the profile you can start hinting at the types of sex you enjoy and are looking for. Just don’t go into detail. Save that type of information for after you have made first contact and the swingers you are chatting with bring up the subject.
If you approach first contacts with the intention of possibly becoming friends, the benefits part will follow close behind in a natural way.
Note to couples and single women swingers: If you have no interest in meeting single males, use the member sites block feature so they can’t contact you at all. You can still usually reach out to single males if you desire.
The reason for this, is because most membership sites are full of single males that don’t have a clue what the swinger lifestyle is all about. They just assume it’s a sex free for all and that all they have to do is say hi and you will end up letting them fuck you. Plus, they tend not to read profiles. Or simply ignore when you state you are not interested in single males.
Now don’t get me wrong. There are a ton of high-quality single males that are real swingers. These guys are treasured by swinger couples that play with single males. So, don’t give up on single males when you are deluged by them on swinger sites. The quality ones will shine and be easy to spot over the I’m just here to fuck your nymphomaniac wife while you are at work single guys.
Now, seriously answer this question. When reading your profile, would you want to meet you? Take the time to fill it out completely. Don’t rush it. Your profile can make or break your swinger lifestyle experience. Read other swingers profiles and take notes about the ones that really got you interested in them.
Here is an article that goes into a lot more detail about writing swinger profiles. Check it out.
Now, let’s move on and talk about your profile avatar picture.
Your Swinger Profile Avatar Picture
Your avatar (main profile picture) is the very first thing other swingers will see. This picture needs to stand out and shine in a crowd of avatars. It needs to be something that draws the attention of other swingers. It must show you or the two of you in a good light. The old saying that a picture is worth a thousand words holds true when it comes to your avatar picture. Your avatar needs to scream, click me and read our/my profile. If it sucks, it won’t get clicked much, if at all. Especially in a private message you send out introducing yourself to other swingers.
Before I get into how to select a good picture to use for your avatar, whatever you do, don’t use the default one swinger sites use if you don’t add an avatar. Most swingers see that and think you are hiding something or just don’t care about really meeting other swingers. Even if you are one of the rare people that are in some position or job that if you were discovered to be a swinger would become some big scandal. There are still a lot of pictures you can use that would not giveaway your identity outside the swinger lifestyle.
If you absolutely insist on covering your face in any of your pictures, do it in a way that it does not detract from the picture. Just blur your face as little as possible. Never scratch it out, put a big black box over it, or scribble over it. That detracts from the picture and makes it look extremely unappealing. Just a little blur can go a long way at keeping the picture still a little appealing.
Another extremely important thing to note about your avatar profile picture is to keep it current! You don’t want a picture of you in your thirties when you are now in your fifties. This can become a very serious problem very quickly when you meet new swingers. They are expecting to meet the thirty year old you when they meet the fifty year old you. Make sure you look like your current avatar picture.
I’ll list a few ideas for avatar pictures to get you started on selecting a really good one. I’ll start off with couple’s avatars first.
The best avatar for a couple would show both of you. Closeup head shots of smiling faces work well. Also, full length pictures of the two of you together. Pictures of the two of you dancing would also work well.
The key here is to show that you are a real couple and fun. Your avatar should show the two of you off in a good light and match how you describe yourselves in your profile.
A picture of the two of you at a swinger party would also work well. Just if there are any other people in the picture, blur their faces out for their privacy. Also make sure you have permission from them to use the picture on your profile.
A picture of the two of you in some sort of sexual situation can work on a limited basis. If all you are looking for is one-night stands, that type of avatar may appeal to the more hardcore swingers. If you do use a hardcore picture, be prepared for the onslaught of people that just want to meet and fuck.
Another option that can work OK is a picture of just the woman in a sexy outfit or lingerie. Possibly even nude or having sex. This can work especially well if you are looking for single guys. That type of picture will attract them. But it will put off some swinger couples.
Single Women Avatars:
Single ladies pretty much can use any picture for their avatar. The best would be one showing you in a sexy outfit, at a club, or even in sexy lingerie. Nudes also work very well. Just be prepared for your inbox to be full of very short messages just wanting to meet and have a good time.
The best avatar for a single woman would be a photo of her having fun and dressed very sexy.
Single Men Avatars:
For single men, a fully clothed full body shot, or face picture is best. You should be wearing clothes that best show off your body type. Think dating site. What type of picture would you set as your avatar on a dating site. The idea is to show yourself off as a well-dressed man that takes care of himself.
The avatar is not the place for dick picks or fully nude pics. The exception would be a picture of you in swimming trunks at the beach. If you are athletic, show that off. Use an action picture of you, rock climbing, playing sports, surfing, etc.
Oh, and never use a picture of a female as your avatar. All that does it make you look desperate for anyone to click your avatar. When they see they have been deceived, you will most likely find yourself blocked.
Now that we have covered your avatar picture, let’s move on to your photo gallery pictures.
Your Swinger Profile Gallery Photos
Most swinger membership sites let you setup multiple photo galleries that you can designate as public (all members can see) and private (only members you give access can see). Take advantage of both types of photo galleries.
A quick note to couples: Your public and private photo galleries should contain pictures of both of you. You will see many swinger couple profiles that only contain pictures of the woman. Just think about it. If you can’t see what both the man and woman look like, would you really want to meet them in person when half of the date is an unknown? Plus, what if you are a straight woman looking through profiles? Would you agree to meet a couple not knowing what the guy even looks like? Sure, it’s perfectly fine to have the majority of the pictures being the female. Just toss in some of the male showing what he looks like too.
Let’s first discuss what types of pictures you should put in your public gallery. Then we will look at what to put in your private galleries.
Your main public gallery should be full of pictures that show both of you are a real couple. Singles, your public gallery should only contain pictures of just you.
The pictures you select should be fun playful pictures as well as posed shots. The majority of these pictures should show you fully clothed. Face shots in the public gallery as well as full body shots will go a long way to increasing your response rates. Do you play sports? Do you love the outdoors? Love to go to the beach? Do you like to spend time by the pool? Do you like to dance and go to bars? Make sure to include pictures in these types of situations.
Near the end of the public gallery, you could add more revealing pictures. Think tasteful nudes or sexy lingerie. Just save the erect dick pictures and hardcore sex pictures for one of your private galleries.
The wider the variety of pictures you include in your public gallery, the better the chance someone will see something they have in common with you. You don’t want to go on a date with a couple that are bar hoppers while the two of you are avid hikers and don’t like the bar scene at all.
Here is a quick note to the single guys: You may see many single male profiles that are all about their dick and absolutely nothing else. Many women see this as a big turn-off. Once you turn the woman off, you are out of the running, no matter how good you are in bed. Just save the dick pictures and the sexual conquest pictures for couples and women that ask to see them. Then just give them access to one of your private galleries. Just doing this alone will increase your response rate drastically.
Now, let’s talk about your private galleries.
Pretty much anything goes in your private galleries. This is where you put your hardcore and sexual adventure pictures. If other people are in any of the shots, make sure you have full legal permission to use them.
You can divide your private galleries into tasteful nudes, body part closeups, actual sex, etc. If you are into a specific kink, you could even create a private gallery with pictures of you enjoying that kink.
The bottom line with both public and private galleries is to show yourself off in the best light possible. Also, don’t forget to keep your photo galleries updated. You don’t want someone to meet you based on photos from many years ago. They would most likely feel deceived and end the date before it even starts.
Now that you have your profile and photo galleries up to par, let’s move on and talk about actually making first contact with swingers that interest you.
Making First Contact Online With Other Swingers
Sending a private message for the first time to a swinger couple you have an interest in can be scary, rewarding, or a downright disaster. Let’s discuss how to make your first contacts rewarding. Nothing I can do to help you with the scary part. That’s on you. Just realize that it’s not the end of the world if you get back a no thank you, or no response at all. One of the keys to success is to contact couples that you have things in common with besides just sex. OK, let’s dive in.
First let me show you some actual messages we have received that are pretty typical of what many new swingers send out. These are examples of what NOT to send. The people that send these types of messages out are always complaining that they are being ignored by other swingers. Guess what? They are right. Here are some examples of what not to send. Unless of course, you just want to get blocked and ignored.
- How was your day?
- She is hot!
- Let’s get together tonight and fuck.
- Does your wife play alone?
- Send the wife over to my place. I’ll send her back full of cum and satisfied.
- I have a 9” very thick dick. I would love to fuck her with it and make her orgasm over and over. Interested?
- I could make her scream all night. Let’s get together and have a good time.
- I liked your profile. Check out mine and let me know if you are interested.
- I enjoyed reading your profile and it intrigued us. You two sound very interesting. Why don’t we meet for drinks and see if we all have chemistry?
That last one was off to a good start. But it’s a canned message they send to everyone. Most swingers can recognize when someone is sending out the same message to tons of swingers in the hopes of getting a response. It basically shows that they will go out with just about anyone. The shotgun approach is frowned on by the swinger community. We have even received the exact same canned message multiple times from the same person months apart. And get this! We have even received the exact same canned message from multiple people.
Also, don’t include any hardcore or dick pictures in your first message. Unless the swingers you are messaging have requested that first contacts should include these types of pictures in their profile.
I’m pretty sure you’re getting the idea of what not to write. Let’s now discuss what to write and what makes a great first message. Keep in mind that your first message is the most important one. If it’s not appealing to the couple, you’re usually not going to get a second chance. Impress them from the start. OK, so, what makes a great first message?
A first message works best if it contains the following. A brief introduction about who you are, something that lets the recipients know you actually took the time to read and view their profile, and what you have in common with them besides sex. Also, if they mention anything in their profile about information about you or pictures, you should include when contacting them, don’t send a private message without that information. If you don’t, that actually proves to them that you either did not read their profile, or you don’t care about their request. Either way, just expect to be blocked.
Your first message should be clean, intelligent sounding, and polite. If you include any pictures, they should be PG rated. Face shots, full body clothed shots, are usually the best to include, unless their profile has a request that you send other types of pictures.
Let’s now go over some ideas on what to include in a first contact private message. These should give you an idea of what will work best and increase your chances of getting a return response.
Find something in their profile, or one of their pictures you can ask a question about.
Find something in their profile, or in their pictures that you have in common. Mention the common interest.
Briefly introduce yourself and suggest that they check out your profile. Mention something specific in your profile that may spark their interest.
Invite them out for dinner, drinks, a hike, to an event, or meeting at a club. It’s usually best to keep the dates open or give them several dates to choose from.
If you see they go to the same swingers club, bar, or other place you also attend, suggest meeting there the next time they go.
It’s usually best to invite them out to a specific place. Don’t just suggest that you should meet.
Another method would be to let them know that you will be at a specific place on a specific date between specific times, and let them know if they are in the area that you would love to meet them in person. This works well if you will be at a nightclub near them.
When you write your initial message, it should be light and fun hearted. It should not pressure them at all. Remember, you want to get to know them, so, ask a few questions that are non-sexual in nature. You need to give them a reason to respond.
One very important thing you should always do is to address both the man and woman if you are contacting a couple. Never address the female only while ignoring the man. That’s a quick way to get your message deleted.
You could also include some light compliments that are not overly sexual in your first message. I don’t know anyone that does not like hearing a sincere compliment.
Overall, be respectful and not crude or rude in your message. You want to make a good first impression.
Now that you have an idea on writing your initial message to other swingers, let’s look at the online swinger we recommend to meet swingers online.
Recommended Swinger Lifestyle Members Only Websites
If you are not already a member of a private swingers website, here are the three that we are members of. Check them out and say hi if you join.