I prefer separate room sex, but my husband prefers same room sex. What should I do?
Have the two of you talked about it? Have you told your husband why you prefer separate room sex? That’s the first step. Sit down and really talk about why each of you prefer same room and separate room sex when swinging.
There are benefits to both types of swinging. I have some articles posted on our magazine that go over this in detail. Maybe the two of you could read them together and discuss them.
Personally, what I would do in your situation is give and take. Have same room sex one time, and then the next time have separate room sex. Here is another idea. Have separate room sex and then after, tell your husband all the details. If he prefers same room sex for compersion reasons, that could go a long way. If he wants same room sex for safety concerns, maybe only have separate room sex with people you both already know and trust.
Here is an article I recommend that you both read. Same Room vs Separate Room Sex – Swinger Partner Swapping.
My wife does not like giving or receiving oral sex. Will that be a problem if we swing?
Most people will always try to tell you what you want to hear. I’m going to not do that for your benefit. Yes, this could be a problem. It will limit your pool of play partners big time.
Now, don’t misunderstand me, there is nothing wrong with her not wanting to give or receive oral sex. It’s her body and her choice. You just have to be prepared for many couples not wanting to play with her.
If you have trouble finding play partners, here is an idea. Maybe make a game out of it. Have her pull a train. Have a few girls that give oral sex to the guys and then have the guys have vaginal penile sex with her only.
Another idea would be for her and the guy to use sex toys on each other as foreplay.
Is SDC a good swinger site for single males?
I don’t think you will like my general answer to your question. But I will explain it. First, my answer to your question is, it depends on the single male. Told you that you would not like it. Now, let me explain.
For the majority of single male swingers, no website will be good for them. Why do I say that? Well, the majority of single males don’t understand the lifestyle or are willing to learn about it. They come to sites like SDC thinking it’s just a meat market where they can hook up with others for sex by just saying, “hi, I got a big dick and I want to fuck you. Here is a pic of my cock. Let’s meet tonight and fuck.” These guys eventually give up and swear there are no real people on the swinger site.
Now, for the single males that actually learn the swinger lifestyle and actually get to know couples through chat, do very well. I would highly recommend reading our article Swinging and the Single Male: A Survival Guide.
Good luck. The lifestyle can always use another quality single male swinger that knows the lifestyle.
What is the best way to tell someone you are not sexually interested in them?
I would have to say that there is no best way to tell someone you are not sexually interested in them. But I can give you some ways to get the point across politely.
Usually, the best way is a simple “no thank you.” Most real swingers will except this and move on.
Another way is to tell the person or couple that you are not interested in having sex with them is to state, “We are/I’m not really in the mood to play right now.”
Or, you could say, “We appreciate your interest in us, but we are really not a good match.”
If someone starts to get pushy or asking for an exact reason why you are not interested in them, it’s usually best to say, “Well, it was nice meeting you. We are here to mingle.” And then just walk away.
How do you know if someone is disease free and safe to play with?
To be blunt, you don’t. Even if they have an STI or STD test card, that only meant the test did not detect any diseases the moment it was taken. Also, keep in mind that tests are not infallible. They could have an STI or STD and the test was a false negative.
Let’s not even mention that STI and STD test cards are easily faked. So, the bottom line is that you will never be 100% sure someone is disease free.
One last thing, even condoms or other protection methods are not a 100% guarantee to protect you from contracting a disease or getting an infection from someone.
Use your best judgment when deciding to have sex with someone.
What is the best way to screen single males on swinger sites?
Let’s get something clear first. The majority of single males don’t understand what the swinger lifestyle is. In fact, they don’t care. They are after sex, and that’s it. Luckily though, there are single males that are real swingers. The goal is to recognize them.
The first thing to do is to look closely at their online profile. Look at their screen name and photos, too. Did they take the time to actually fill it out and tell others about them? Or is the profile pretty much just about their dick?
If the profile is all about their dick, you are pretty much assured that if you meet them in person, it’s going to be all about them and their dick. Just pass these guys up.
When looking at their profile pictures, are they showing themselves in good light? Or are they showing themselves demeaning women?
Bottom line, look for guys you feel you would really like to get to know as a friend. Sure, a good old one night stand every now and then is fun. Many single guys and even some couples, forget what the swinger lifestyle is really all about. They treat swinging more like a pure sex club. Of course, it’s your choice what crowd you prefer to hang with.
How old is too old to swing?
This is a fairly easy question to answer. Let’s start off with an old saying, “If it feels good, do it!” Honestly, only you can decide when you are too old to swing. As long as you are still enjoying swinging, and it’s not affecting your health, keep swinging.
We have been looking for a unicorn for years and can’t find one. Help!
First, let me say that they are called unicorns for a reason. A single female swinger is rare. They pretty much have their pick of swinger couples. The problem you are having can be caused by many things. Let’s look at a few.
You are looking in the wrong place. The best place to find one is within your wife’s circle of friends. The next best place is introductions through other swinger couples. Going to swinger clubs would be third on my list. The last place I would look would be chat groups on social media.
You could be scaring them away. Do you look desperate? Are you getting too aggressive? How is your approach? Are you approaching them with the intent to make a new friend with possible benefits down the road? Or are you approaching them just for sex?
Also, take a look in the proverbial mirror. Really look at yourself and your partner. What do you have to offer to a unicorn? If you were a unicorn, would you be attracted to you and your other half?
What you have to always keep in mind is, why should a unicorn pick you over all the other couples they have access to?
We message couples all the time on swinger sites, but nobody replies. Are the membership sites just scams?
Some are scams. Some are not. Let’s approach your question like you are a member of a real online swinger lifestyle site like SDC and SLS.
The first thing to do is look at your profile and photos. Are your photos appealing? Would you like to make friends with you? Is your profile really filled out? Have you taken the time to give enough information about you and your partner for others to even want to respond to you?
When you message them, are you leading with let’s have sex, or she is hot, let’s play? This type of approach rarely works. Your first message should show that you actually read their profile and have something in common with them. The approach should be to possibly make new friends.
Check out our online magazine to find other information that could be of help to you when contacting other couples online.
We have been swingers for about 6 months. But my wife wants to have sex with another man alone. I really don’t think I can handle that. Any advice?
The key to a situation like this is open communication between you and your partner. The two of you are going to need to sit down and talk it out.
Before the two of you talk, you really need to figure out why you feel it would bother you. One way to help you really look at situations that may bother you is to reverse roles. Put yourself in her shoes as if you had asked her if it would be OK for you to have sex with another woman alone.
You could also first try a separate room partner swap and see how that feels to both of you.
You also mentioned that you have only been in the lifestyle for about 6 months. It could be that the two of you need a lot more lifestyle experience before even contemplating a request like hers. It may be perfectly fine a few years from now.
Bottom line is to not be afraid to really express your concerns to her about her request to have sex with another man alone. Don’t rush into something that one of you may regret down the road.
My wife wants to be in a gangbang but I’m worried about her safety. Should I be this worried?
Of course, you should be at least somewhat worried. But she can have a fun and safe gangbang with a little preparation beforehand.
You definitely want to vet each male participant to make sure you feel your wife will be safe with them participating. Also, you need to make sure they agree to all of the rules you and your wife set for the event.
Also make sure that every participant fully understands if you or your wife says stop. That is the end of the gangbang. No exceptions.
You may want to hold the gangbang at a swingers club or other suitable location other than your home. If you personally are friends with each participant, then your home may be a good place to hold it.
One last thing would be to make sure that each participant understands and agrees that the gangbang is not going to be one like you see in a typical porn. Unless that’s the type of gangbang she wants. Let them know that the gangbang is for her enjoyment, and all should be respectful of your wife and her wishes.
If you are even the slightest bit unsure about her safety, then cancel the gangbang.
When we first started swinging, we set a lot of rules. I am no longer enjoying swinging because of all of our rules. What can I do to start having fun again?
When many swingers start out, they tend to set a lot of rules simply because they are unsure of swinging, or don’t want to upset their spouse.
Over time, most swinger couples find that they really don’t need all the rules they originally set. Many also discover that their spouse would have been fine without particular rules that they only set because they felt their spouse would want them.
I would recommend that the two of you revisit your rules and discuss what rule changes would make swinging more enjoyable for both of you. You may find out that many of the rules the two of you set are not needed.
I’m not getting any responses when I contact couples online. What do couples actually look for in a single guy?
I’m going to assume you are talking about swinger membership sites like SLS and SDC. There could be a ton of reasons you are not getting any responses. Check out our online magazine for some articles specific to single male swingers. But first here are some of the top reasons single males don’t get any responses.
- You could be contacting couples that don’t have any interest in single males. Make sure their profile states that they are interested in being contacted by single males.
- You are sending a one-line message like, hi, how are you, she is hot, let’s fuck, etc. Couples ignore these types of messages. Actually, write an introduction that shows you have things in common with what they have told you in their profile.
- Your main profile picture is a dick pick, or of you standing there nude. That’s pretty much a big turn off to almost all swinger couples. Use a photo like you would on a regular dating site.
- Don’t try to start off a conversation that is purely sexual. Most couples want to get to know you before they even consider inviting you into their bedroom.
- Don’t assume the male is a cuckold. The vast majority in the swinger lifestyle are not. You do this, you will most likely just be blocked.
Why are there so few bisexual males in the swinger lifestyle?
There are actually a lot more bisexual male swingers in the lifestyle than most people realize. The sad truth is most of them keep it secret and only reveal it to a select few. There are actually many reasons for this. Here are a few of them.
- Some women actually see bisexuality in a male as a turn-off.
- They keep it secret because society in general has not accepted bi males as well as they have bi females.
- Many swinger males get freaked out just being around a bisexual male. Homophobic males still exist.
But more and more bisexual and bi-curious males are stepping up and letting others know about it. It’s a slow-going process, but it is slowly happening.
We are soft swap only. Why do so many couples refuse to play with us unless we do full swap?
First, let me say that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a soft swap only couple. But it does limit your play partner possibilities a lot. In fact, an extreme amount.
Full swap couples are the vast majority of couples in the swinger lifestyle. The swinger lifestyle is mainly a lifestyle for swapping partners for sex. Not oral and heavy petting.
If a full swap couple has the choice of having full sex with another couple or do a soft swap with a couple, they are 99% of the time going to go with the other full swap couple.
If you are only soft swap, I would make sure any couple you talk to about possibly playing, knows you are soft swap only very early in the conversation. The reason that this is important is if you go to play, have a lot of kissing, heavy petting, and possibly oral, and then you spring it on them, you are only going to make the other couple very frustrated with the situation.
Also, full swap couples realize that it can be very easy to get carried away in the moment, and don’t want to take the chance of overstepping your soft swap boundaries.
Yes, there is a place for soft swap only couples in the lifestyle, that space is just limited. I speak from experience on this one. My wife and I started out as a soft swap couple before we moved on to full swap.
