Swinger Lifestyle Q&A Page 2: User Submitted Swinger Lifestyle Questions Answered

My wife wants to be a swinger, but I really don’t. Should I let her swing alone?

If the two of you have a very good and trusting relationship, and you personally don’t have a problem or jealousy issues with her having sex with other people besides you, give it a try on a temporary basis. The key here is having very good communication with each other. If an issue arises, bring it up immediately and talk about it.

Let’s look at this a little deeper. Some men enjoy watching their wife or girlfriend have sex with others. Some get enjoyment just from watching her enjoy herself sexually. This is called compersion. Do a little research on compersion to learn more about it.

Another thing you should research is the hotwife lifestyle. This is where the woman is free to have sex with others with the support and encouragement of her husband. This could be what she is really after. We have an article online in our magazine that discusses what a hotwife is. Take a look at it. Here is the link. What Exactly Is a Hotwife?

The bottom line is that it’s fine for your wife to become a swinger alone, if the two of you are in total agreement about it. Otherwise, I would say no.

What’s the best way to spot swingers when at a regular bar?

Now this is a tough one to answer. Many swingers do not want to be recognized as swingers in vanilla clubs or bars. But luckily some do. Especially when they go to a club or bar that other swingers are known to hang out at. Let me give you a few signs to lookout for, and then I’ll refer you to an article in our magazine that answers your question in greater detail.

If you see a couple that seems to be outgoing and friendly, take a look at any jewelry they may be wearing. Especially look at any anklet the woman may be wearing. Does any of their jewelry have swinger symbols or gender charms on them? Also look closely at a woman’s earrings. Some will wear earrings that have upside down pineapples on them. Swinger men sometimes wear black rings. Also look at how they interact with others. Are they openly flirting with others?

Now, go check out the article How to Recognize Swingers in Bars and Nightclubs for a much more in-depth look at the subject.

We are new to swinging. Many times, couples want to play with my wife alone, and not with me. Is this normal for swingers?

No, it’s not. It may seem that way at times though. Many couples enter the swinger lifestyle to just hunt for the elusive single female unicorn. They quickly find out exactly why they are referred to as unicorns. They are rare, and not that easy to find. Unicorns pretty much can pick and choose who they want to play with and who they do not. Many of the new couples that are only looking for single females to play with turn to trying to get a female member of a couple to play with them alone. Some may find a couple that is fine with this. But most would not be. They then get desperate, and when they can’t find a single female, they leave the swinger lifestyle claiming that nobody wants to play with them. What they totally missed about the swinger lifestyle is that it’s mainly couples playing with couples. Of course, single females and males are welcome. But they are not the main focus of the swinger lifestyle.

Other reasons that some couples (note that I said SOME couples) will only play with single females are: The male has jealousy issues and can’t handle another man playing with his wife. Sometimes a male is homophobic or has other issues with another man being nude around him. Some females do not want to play with other men because they are not really swingers and are in the lifestyle just to please their husband.

The best thing my wife and I found to do when approached for her to play with a couple alone is to tell them, no thank you. We are swingers and only come as a package deal.

We have heard from other couples that they had arranged to meet another couple, but only the male showed up making some excuse why the woman could not make it or was going to be late. Is this a scam?

It’s sad to say that the swinger lifestyle attracts some not so honest single males that are willing to lie or pull a scam to get sex. Now let me make it perfectly clear. This is just a small number of single guys in the lifestyle. The majority are perfectly fine guys. It’s just you only hear about the bad seeds.

These couples are most likely being scammed by one of the few bad single guys. Or even worse, someone who is married and is cheating on his spouse. They will come up with all types of excuses. My wife had to work late but did not want you two to be disappointed. My wife is running late. She’ll join us later. Of course, she never does. The guy will magically get a text message or call saying she can’t make it. But, to go ahead and have fun without her. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Don’t fall for it. Just get up, excuse yourself, and leave. If they try to get you to stay, just say no thank you and continue your exit.

We are new to swinging. Why do some couples want to play in separate rooms instead of all together? This bothers us both a lot.

First, if it bothers you, and you are approached by a couple that wants to play in separate rooms, just tell them no thank you. If they push, tell them that it’s not your thing.

Now, for the reasons some couples only want to swap partners and swing in separate rooms are many. It could be that one partner does not like seeing their partner have sex with someone else. It could also be that the male is uncomfortable with seeing another nude male.

They could also just feel more comfortable only having to give sexual attention to one other person, without their partner distracting them. They could also love the taboo feeling of having sex with someone else without their partner watching them.

I could go on and on with reasons some couples only want to play in separate rooms. It’s part of the lifestyle. If you are not comfortable with it, just let them know. Any serious swinger couple will except that and understand.

Some couples in the swinger lifestyle love group sex, while others prefer private one-on-one sex.

I would love to have an FFM threesome, how would I approach my husband with my interest? He does not know that I think I am bisexual. Help!

Just coming out and saying that you might be bisexual and that you want to have a FFM threesome would excite most guys. They would most likely not have a problem with it. The key is keeping them involved in the action.

Now, if your husband is more reserved, I would approach the subject in a different way. Maybe while the two of you are out, point out an occasional woman and mention that you find her attractive. If he does not freak out about that, at a later date mention that you read a story about two girls seducing a guy and it made you a little horny. Then ask him to join you in the bedroom.

If that goes well, at a later date, tell him you read in another story that the wife surprised her husband by bringing another woman home for a threesome. Let him know you found that kind of interesting and if he would like you to bring home another woman. Do this in a teasing manner so you can back out if he responds badly. That way you were only teasing him. If he seems like he likes the idea, then say something like, maybe we could put on a little sex show for you and then jump you. Again, do this in a teasing manner.

Now, if you don’t have a strong relationship, I would work on that first before ever bringing up the subject of adding an additional person to your bedroom. Swinging can be great for a couple in a strong relationship. But it can destroy a relationship that has problems and is not already strong.

We are a young couple wanting to try out swinging. Any advice for us first timers?

The first thing I would recommend is to make sure you are both communicating openly with each other. I see lots of new couples enter the swinging lifestyle that did not fully listen to or understand the thoughts and concerns of their other half. Make sure you both talk about every aspect of swinging before you enter the lifestyle. That includes understanding what each of you want out of swinging.

The next thing I would recommend is to really research the lifestyle and what it’s truly about. Then take it slow at first. But be very careful not to set too many rules that could accidentally be broken in the heat of the moment.

Another thing that I would mention to new swingers, is to make sure they understand jealousy and what it actually is. Jealousy is the fear of losing someone or the fear of losing control of someone. If either of you is the jealous type, I would tread very carefully. Swinging is a great lifestyle, but it’s not worth destroying your relationship over.

We have many articles on our online magazine just for new swingers. Check them out.

We are new to swinging. What’s your opinion about hall passes?

That’s going to depend on the couple. Especially how secure they are in their relationship. If both see that sex and love are two completely different things, and neither have a tendency to get jealous with having full swap separate room sex, a hall pass could be fine for them.

If one of the members of the couple have relationship security issues, tend to get jealous, or have trust issues, a hall pass could do a lot of harm to the relationship.

You would also need to look at the reason one of you wants a hall pass in the first place. Is it to enhance your sexual relationship? Does one of you have a much larger sex drive than the other? Does one of you want to experiment with a kink that the other has no interest in? Is one of you traveling and going to be away from the other for an extended time?

One thing that is nice about the swinger lifestyle is that you can be more open about letting your spouse have a lot more sexual freedom than couples in a vanilla relationship. Just make sure that the two of you are both on the same page about any hall passes that are given to the other.

If one of you is traveling, there is a modified version of the hall pass that still keeps the other spouse involved. Setup a two-way video chat, so the other spouse can watch and possibly masturbate while watching the other spouse have sex.

We see some couples will only full swap in separate rooms. Why is that?

Swinger couples that only full swap in separate rooms do it for many reasons. Here are some of those reasons.

Believe it or not, some swingers actually have a problem seeing their spouse enjoying sex with someone else. They are perfectly fine as long as they don’t see it or hear it.

Some men in the lifestyle have a problem seeing or interacting sexually with someone if another nude man is in the room.

Another reason that some couples only separate room swing is that they enjoy telling each other about their sexual experience later.

Some couples love the taboo feeling they get from having sex with another person without their spouse watching or listening to them. They love it so much; it moves from being a kink to a fetish with them.

When swapping partners, what should you do when one pair finishes playing before the other?

I can’t give you a definitive answer to this question since I don’t know your particular play rules or situation in general. But I can give you some ideas on what to do when one group finishes before the other.

If you swapped partners and played in separate rooms, there’s pretty much only one thing you can do if you finish first. That’s to go out into the main room of the swingers club, bar if at a hotel, or living room if at a private residence and just get to know each other a little better while waiting for the other two to finish. When you swap partners for separate room sex, just get everyone to agree to where to meet back up after.

If everyone is playing in the same room, the pair that finishes first could either watch the other pair, join the other pair, or just sit and talk while they wait for the others to finish. I would not leave the room unless everyone previously agreed to that.

What’s in it for the husband when having an MFM threesome? Seems like only the woman benefits.

First, is there really anything wrong with that? Now, on to a more serious response to your question.

Many men love watching their wife being sexually satisfied by another guy. Or enjoy seeing their wife really sexually enjoying herself. What I want you to do is look up the definition of “Compersion.” Read it carefully. It will really open up your eyes.

Men can also learn a lot about their wife and what she finds sexually fulfilling. If you see your wife really getting off, really look at what the other guy is doing to her. Don’t be afraid to ask questions after. Just don’t interrupt her enjoyment. Ask afterwards. When you learn what really gets her going, you can add that technique to the sex the two of you have.

Here is one benefit you may have never thought about. You can increase the time you actually have sex with your wife. Let the other guy take over while you rest and catch a second, third, fourth or more wind. You can basically tag team her a lot longer than one on one sex.

We are interested in swinging but for now only want to watch and be watched. Is that possible?

Yes, it is. You can accomplish what you want in many ways. You could go to a swingers club that has a voyeur room. How about going into the group sex room and watching others while you have sex alone with your partner?

Another way would be to join a swingers online website like SDC or SLS and find other couples to do cam to cam. You watch them while they watch you.

I’ve noticed some men don’t cum when swinging. What’s up with that?

This is actually very common. Some men don’t cum while swinging for a variety of reasons. Some good, some bad. Here are some that I am aware of.

The man is new to swinging and still has anxiety when with a woman he does not know very well.

The man wants to have several swinger experiences throughout the day or night. He just stops when he gets close to cumming and waits until he is settled down before having the next swinger experience.

Some men may have already had sex a few times that day and just can’t cum.

Some do have medical or psychological issues like delayed ejaculation.

This list could go on for a long time. But as long as the male is having a good time and enjoying the sex, and it’s not affecting the person or persons they are having sex with, I would not worry about them at all. I hope that answers your question.

How long does swinging sex usually last?

Oh boy is this question hard to answer. I can give you a general answer from personal experience and observing other swingers playing.

Usually, it does last longer than straight one on one sex. I have personally been involved with a threesome that lasted well over two hours. In fact, it was almost three hours.

I have seen groups having sex in swinger playrooms and come back hours later and they are still going at it.

I guess the best answer to your question would be, thirty minutes to several hours. Sometimes you will see someone having sex that does not last but minutes though.

Seems to be more MFM threesomes than FMF threesomes in the swinger lifestyle. Why?

This question is very easy to answer. The reason you see more MFM threesomes than FMF threesomes is that there are a lot more single males than single females in the lifestyle. Men are extremely easy to find for MFM threesomes. Single men outnumber the single women by leaps and bounds.